Monday, September 27, 2004
RETARDED PIRATE POST
First ob all, Number One: KITTY SURVIVOR!!!
Number two, very tired today, feel like brain damage. Decide, I think me write like pirate, or like mentally slow. AM mentally slow. No retard joke. Am mentally slow pirate. You no like it? Go to see Suck-A-Fuck. Where? Fuck Land, that where.
Whut you do this weekend/? me mateys?! I tired. Try to work car, car no worky. Put car in garage with shoehorn. Cranky help, garage too small. Grease car with Astroglide and now, it fit! Hoooray for Cranky! Fitter-inner of things, he is victorious!!!
Am even typing like retarded chicken peck. No spell checky for you, Post.
Saturday got woderful 3-way drunk-dial from Liz, Bunny, and Chicken-Non-girlfiend. This is great idea! Whoa no, cell phone die, fuck me like a tomato.
Very sad. So go to bed. Except? No thingy. Why? Red curst. Fuck you, Red Curse. Fuk. YoU, dread Sea Captain Tampon. Gkspppt.
Sunday, go to breakfast. Too much cheese in belly. See friend at reasatarurant. Hello, friend, hello. She loook kind of chunk. Hooray, she's with Loser. Hello, Loser, hello. You are a jerk. Why breakfast? Slept with - thoght she broke up jerkdom?! She must have been Drunky Land (again).
Loser-Jerk and Kinda Chunky want us to go to fair, but we say noooo. Es scary/creepy Scientology fair. Evil. EVIIIILLLL! I lie, say we go to Home Depot. That more fun than evil, creepy Fair of Scientologist.s, exshept, wear orange vest & nobody help you. Suck on that, Hubbard-Heads!
Oh no, I never have acting carreer now!! Good, I eat more cheese. Fuck you, Jenna Elfman. You look, like giant horse-fairy anywya. Ptoo.
Achshully, weekend not all that bad. Except someone left open the freezer. That not good, maybe food spoil. Then Cranky have idea! We invite friend over for deener, eat questionable unfrozen fiood with freind, and maybe, throw up togheter! How nice to do! So we make spaghetti sauce, Cranky say, 'Dose this snmell funny?" I say, no, so good, we pour it all over pasta. Were going to make salad, but friend no eat salad, he profesionall food junkie eats crap for a living. Hooray! And strawberry shortbake. I beat off real whipped cream. It took 10 mihs to beat because we don't have a professional beater-offer machine. It good but different from Cool-Whip how??? What a waste of wristage.
And this today morning? Bird pooped on me. Really large, nasty, runnygreen bird poop, went everywhere - hand, backpack so could not wear. Shirt - good thing shirt green.
So car broken good this time. took subway this a.m. because was runny late and some guy started "singing" and playing guitar in ear - almost thwacked him with my bird poop backpack and said NOT BEFORE 8:00 a.m., ASSHOLE.
HoObaY for Munday!
Love,
Pissssher
RETARDED PIRATE POSTNumber two, very tired today, feel like brain damage. Decide, I think me write like pirate, or like mentally slow. AM mentally slow. No retard joke. Am mentally slow pirate. You no like it? Go to see Suck-A-Fuck. Where? Fuck Land, that where.
Whut you do this weekend/? me mateys?! I tired. Try to work car, car no worky. Put car in garage with shoehorn. Cranky help, garage too small. Grease car with Astroglide and now, it fit! Hoooray for Cranky! Fitter-inner of things, he is victorious!!!
Am even typing like retarded chicken peck. No spell checky for you, Post.
Saturday got woderful 3-way drunk-dial from Liz, Bunny, and Chicken-Non-girlfiend. This is great idea! Whoa no, cell phone die, fuck me like a tomato.
Very sad. So go to bed. Except? No thingy. Why? Red curst. Fuck you, Red Curse. Fuk. YoU, dread Sea Captain Tampon. Gkspppt.
Sunday, go to breakfast. Too much cheese in belly. See friend at reasatarurant. Hello, friend, hello. She loook kind of chunk. Hooray, she's with Loser. Hello, Loser, hello. You are a jerk. Why breakfast? Slept with - thoght she broke up jerkdom?! She must have been Drunky Land (again).
Loser-Jerk and Kinda Chunky want us to go to fair, but we say noooo. Es scary/creepy Scientology fair. Evil. EVIIIILLLL! I lie, say we go to Home Depot. That more fun than evil, creepy Fair of Scientologist.s, exshept, wear orange vest & nobody help you. Suck on that, Hubbard-Heads!
Oh no, I never have acting carreer now!! Good, I eat more cheese. Fuck you, Jenna Elfman. You look, like giant horse-fairy anywya. Ptoo.
Achshully, weekend not all that bad. Except someone left open the freezer. That not good, maybe food spoil. Then Cranky have idea! We invite friend over for deener, eat questionable unfrozen fiood with freind, and maybe, throw up togheter! How nice to do! So we make spaghetti sauce, Cranky say, 'Dose this snmell funny?" I say, no, so good, we pour it all over pasta. Were going to make salad, but friend no eat salad, he profesionall food junkie eats crap for a living. Hooray! And strawberry shortbake. I beat off real whipped cream. It took 10 mihs to beat because we don't have a professional beater-offer machine. It good but different from Cool-Whip how??? What a waste of wristage.
And this today morning? Bird pooped on me. Really large, nasty, runnygreen bird poop, went everywhere - hand, backpack so could not wear. Shirt - good thing shirt green.
So car broken good this time. took subway this a.m. because was runny late and some guy started "singing" and playing guitar in ear - almost thwacked him with my bird poop backpack and said NOT BEFORE 8:00 a.m., ASSHOLE.
HoObaY for Munday!
Love,
Pissssher
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