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Friday, November 05, 2004

AS REQUESTED 

In response to the perverted Unknown Googler who Googled this (see title). I'm not really qualified to answer, but here goes:
101 THINGS
TO SHOVE UP YOUR VAGINA
**THIS SHOULD ONLY BE ATTEMPTED BY A TRAINED PROFESSIONAL**

1. this      51. wedding invitation
2. that      52. five golden rings
3. wiffle ball bat       53. streamers
4. mini-blender      54. wristwatch
5. cactus potato      55. Crisco
6. hairbrush      56. an Eskimo named Nanook
7. squeak toy      57. spliff
8. Post-It reading "get Pap Smear"      58. the best soy latte that you've ever had
9. me      59. Mr. Ed (glue stick)
10. #2 pencil      60. 1/2 dozen roses
11. curling iron (in "off" position)      61. string cheese
12. spork      62. Life's Little Instruction Book
13. dong      63. lawn jockey
14. won ton      64. yard gnome
15. Long Duk Dong      65. pinwheel
16. carrot peeler      66. a thing that goes "hmmm"
17. spatula      67. the purple monster on my desk
18. party tooter      68. dead tarantula
19. a penis      69. postage
20. squeaky toy      70. Hot Wheels
21. corncob pipe      71. Happy Meal
22. button nose      72. Filet O Fish
21. two eyes made out of coal      73. mixed nuts
22. fake moustache      74. tossed salad
23. piano key      75. lava lamp
24. saxophone reed      76. A Republican...not.
25. Drildo™      77. purple weasel
26. overripe banana + yeast = banana bread   78. stunt gerbil
27. kumquats      79. cherry pie
28. starfruit      80. Warrant tape from 1989
29. humuhumunukunukuapua'a      81. steamed asparagus
30. raindrops on roses      82. artichoke hearts
31. whiskers on kittens      83. feather boa
32. bright copper pennies      84. The Vagina Monologues
33. blue satin sashes      85. the Holy Grail
34. snowflakes      86. hole puncher
35. my nose      87. hole in one
36. ice cubes      88. cream cheese
37. Ice Cube      89. lima bean
38. refrigerator magnet      90. map to clitoris
39. a partridge in a pear tree      91. incense
40. your own personal Jesus      92. peppermints
41. Elmo      93. love letter
42. Barney's tail      94. Slinky
43. Heffalumps      95. mouse trap
44. Woozles      96. smuggled drugs
45. Gumby      97. rubber chicken
46. Pokey      98. Silly Putty
47. G.I. Joe      99. bottles of beer/red balloons
48. My Little Pony      100. silly rabbit, Trix are for kids
49. Barbie's entire head      101. Dalmations
50. bonsai     

Items that didn't make the cut:
Glade Air Freshener
mongoose
red hots
parsely
sage
rosemary
thyme
DVD
CD
STD
Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer's red nose
a pink carnation
the lime
the coconut
Bacardi Mixers
the Ace of Spades
a shoehorn
Pee Wee Herman
egg beater
an elbow
George W. Bush
What?! That's his name.

That is - mercifully - all for now.

AS REQUESTED
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