Monday, November 08, 2004


6:30 AM Same asswipe honks his horn for carpool every day at this ungodly hour. Must roll boulder up on roof in order to crush him - SOON.

7:30 AM On bus. Woman is speaking in Spanish at rate of 900 words per millisecond. Actually, doesn't matter what language - no one should be so alert or so loud before noon on a Monday.

8:32 AM Need. Coffee. Boss is rampant, though, must not let him see me lollygagging in kitchen or he will verbally ream me. Hate being thankless grunt.

12:00 Noon Have only rejected rice left over from leftover meal for lunch. Do not like rice. Eat crap from vending machine instead and one muffin with top torn off by anonymous germy-handed individual and left in break room. Do not care.

1:32 PM Woman who is increasingly bitchy to me just snapped again never to give anyone else her mail. Hag, I was only trying to help you, but no more. From now on, your mail goes in "the round file" next to my desk if it lands in my evil paws. Besides, just because you have La Menopause doesn't mean you can be shitty to people who make 1/32 of your salary. P.S. You look like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle on estrogen, only less attractive.

2:10 PM George W. Bush is still president, last I checked. Fuhhhh.

2:15 PM Looked at this, which made me slightly less pissed off in general.

3:10 PM Trying not to be mad at delivery guy for saying I look like a librarian with my new glasses. Should take with grain of salt as he wears poofy, poncey shirts like reject from Ren Faire ca. 1986. However, am not implying that he is gay. If he were gay, he would have some taste.

5:10 PM Where's Cranky? Why does he always wait until the last minute to let me know if I'm needed for this evening? Business, not pleasure, of course. Personally, I want to lounge in the tub with a hunk-o-hunk-o-burning cheese. OH SHIT! IS BALL OF MOZZARELLA IN FRIDGE AT HOME MUST..GET...HOME...IMMEDIATELY.

7:00 PM Did not get home. Got to Cranky's to help with bullshit, only after being ignored and very nearly run over by two a-hole bus drivers. They do not fucking stop, even if you run out into the street, hopping up and down and flailing wildly. Then, as I was walking and cursing to the next stop, where there at least is a bench, another one blew past me. CUNTBUS! Then, nothing for twenty fucking minutes.

I hate bus drivers. I think ignoring people and running them over is the only pleasure they get out of life, besides maybe splashing people when it rains and trying to make old ladies fall down and shatter a hip by starting and stopping too abruptly.

2:00 AM Am having incredibly bizarre cheese-induced dream concerning ex-boyfriend, island vacation, talking chinchilla, and a Filipino side-kick/tour guide. What the fuck?! Reconsider watching Fantasy Island re-runs before bed.

6:45 AM Traveling a-hole follows me all the way to the subway with some bullshit story about needing a AAA when he is actually just hitting on me. First of all, I look extremely insane at this hour and cannot believe anyone would be this desperate. Secondly, it really infuriates me to be approached at all, but especially because I get propositioned by Hispanic or black men exclusively - because it means my ass is too big. Heh. Thirdly, I never even make eye contact if I can avoid it. These guys don't have a clue. They couldn't get laid in a donut factory (wha?) So if someone attempts to talk to you, fucking ignore them, or if you say anything, make it rude. And once again, how the fuck are people horny this early in the morning unless they're still in bed, and can go back to sleep immediately afterwards...? !@#$@##, yarrrrgh.

9:12 AM Fack...! I forgot the mozzarella again...! (Censored rude description of bodily function.)

9:25 AM I still do not have any cheese. Outlook dim. Digestive system, on the other hand, is happy.

10:18 AM That's it. If one more motherfucker is rude or abrupt with me this morning, I am going home "sick" to be with my cheese. Eff 'em all.


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