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Tuesday, February 08, 2005

LASIK-ISS MY ASS 

Our friend...God love her (because no one else will)...I kid...er...just had LASIK surgery. Then she sends out a long-assed e-mail detailing the procedure. Which is nice, sort of. I wouldn't mind having it someday, after they've perfected the procedure, i.e. they can knock you out completely. With J├Ągermeister.

Well, first I felt bad, because I figured I should have called, or sent flowers or something, but then I realized fuck her if she can afford elective surgery. Ahem.

But that's not my point.

My point is, in the beginning of the e-mail, which I cannot reproduce here as it is too damned hell ass long, she says this:

I realize some of you may not have a "strong constitution" so I will go into GENERAL detail about the procedure I experienced.

And then, (ten paragraphs later) ATTENTION: HERE IS THE IRONY: ----> ...she writes this. I quote:

...the surgeon puts a special suction cup ring around your eye, makes a very shallow incision in your cornea (using either a microkeratome blade or a PS-Laser - also called "Intralase" - which is what I chose). They peel back this very thin layer of your cornea (like a thin piece of SaranWrap) and then focus the excimer laser on a middle layer of your cornea to correct your vision. The excimer laser makes a rapid snapping sound (like if you snap your fingers really loud) for about 30 seconds or less - and that's it! The surgeon then puts the corneal flap back over your eye, uses a tool that's like a mini-squeegee to make sure the flap re-adheres itself properly and takes out the special eye speculum that keeps your lids open so you don't blink during the process. While you hear the snapping of the laser, you might notice something that smells like it's "burning" ...

Uh...

LASIK-ISS MY ASS
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