Having just filed my taxes and finding that I owe, I find this article to be just what the cat's ass ordered.

Phew. How refreshing. After facing a virtual assault of commercials, print ads, and even those damn pop-ups insisting I must buy, no, need things I haven't even heard of before, this is a breath of fresh non-ass smelling air.

Ahhhh.

It seems like everything - even essential toiletries, such as jock itch cream - costs at least $7 now, and t-shirts are $40 all of the sudden. What the hell? When did this happen?! Was I asleep...?! Or am I just getting old?

Ehh, sonny...in my day, we used to buy girly goop and foofoo bullshit for $5 at Drug Emporium, and penny candy was...what the hell was penny candy?! Anyway, my Afro Disco™ Barbie cost only $8.95, and she came with her own pick...!

I refuse to pay the premiums for this crap I don't even need, and would never even have heard about, to know that I need want it if I wasn't watching crap TV, getting crap pop-ups, and reading crap magazines.

And now, in direct contradiction to what I just said, here is what I should have bought for Valentine's Day (as seen in JANE magazine - they didn't publish my story = no link!) I think my binkies need a $50 box to shit in, don't you...?