Friday, February 25, 2005


I just found out I have high cholesterol! Yay, me! How did I do it you ask?! Well, it was easy! You too can have high cholesterol! Here's how! - PK

I attempted to make chocolate bowls for our Valentine's Day dessert, and they came out looking like they were from post-WWII Nuremberg. This made me realize that not only was I getting too ambitious, but I almost OD'ed on sugar. Perhaps I should stick to less challenging concoctions when I need to feed...people.

That is to say, here are some convenience foods which I have done my damnedest to f---- up, but which, despite my best efforts, still came out tasting reasonably okay.

For some real cookery, go here.


1) Asian Dinner (for white people who can't cook): Annie Chun's. I dig these meal kits with everything you need to make Asian noodles. Love the Garlic and Black Bean Sauce but would avoid the Pad Thai. I haven't had Pad Thai in a box that wasn't gawdawful.

2) Best Greek Salad Ever: Elisa's. If you have them in your state, get thee to a Ralph's. Prepackaged near the service deli. WARNING: Kalamata olives may contain pits. Oooch.

3) Trader Joe's, Trader Joe's, Trader Joe's. If you don't have these in your state, you should complain to the governor! I love their fresh goat cheese pizza, smoked string cheese, veggie gyoza potstickers, frozen rock shrimp, curried chicken salad, cheap wine, and even Zippy loves their own Tongol Crab and Tuna cat food to the point where he'll roll in the garbage to get to the can. P.U. However, other than the shiitake mushroom rolls, their sushi is to be avoided.

I also dig Whole Foods, (started in my hometown of Austin, TX) but there's a reason why they call it Whole Paycheck. Plus the Californians have wrecked it, and the checkers here are rude foreign a-holes, not nice, gentle purple-haired & pierced hippies.

If you must go, try the barbecued chicken salad, spring rolls, or pick up a hippie granola ice cream sandwich from the frozen section. (The ones with the moons, don't know what they're called.)

4) Indian yum-yums - try this line. They're even ready to boil in their own space-baggie.

5) Schlotsky's. Delicious. I love their bubbly muffuletta (perv) -type bread. Of course, there aren't any out here. Grrr.

6) Thundercloud Subs. Also tasty and doesn't have that yeasty bread-funk smell of Subway. Best turkey-avocado sandwich ever, although like Whole Foods, the cashier may be surly. Also not available in these here parts. Grrr. Grrrrr.

7) Domino's Doublemelt Pizza: Do not, under any circumstances, order this pizza, as it is extremely nasty. I thought, ooh! It's got an extra layer of cheese inside!, thinking it was the same kind of cheese they put on top of the pizza, but no. It is like that Laughing Cow spreadable process cheese "food" product ick. I spent most of the time I would have spent eating wiping that shit off on the box. Not even Zippy would eat it. Two thumbs (and four paws) down, Domino's.

Any further culinary suggestions will be entertained. My cholesterol thanks you.


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