Friday, March 18, 2005


Isn't it odd that it takes something like a power outage to get us to act like normal, social human beings...?

When I used to live in this crackhouse in Hollywood, our power went out approximately every 30 minutes, but that was okay, because we had free cable. Not that there was any power on to watch it with, but still. Free...!

You could hear everyone in the whole ghetto shoebox building going, "BOOOOO! WAAAAAH...!" when the power went off and "YAY! WOOOOOO...!" when it came back on. And one time, a guy ran up and down the courtyard yelling, "I HAVE NO PANTS!", but that's another story.

Anyway, it was the strongest sense of community I felt there, during those power outages, until the management hired the Taliban to be our new apartment managers. We were all in the same leaky, sinking, crusty, stinking boat.

Everyone would gather in the courtyard and talk when the lights went off. That's kind of what we had going at work today, except we had donuts, dogs, and fire hazard votives lit in the bathroom so we could pee by candlelight. It was very romantical!

Then we went to breakfast while we waited two more hours for CPS to even decide to show up, and the boss had buggered off somewhere. I could hang with this every day.

Except that my brain cannot deal with the fact that there is no electricity, and the voices...the voices again...

ME: Oh, poop. The power's out.
SELF: You know, this isn't such a bad thing. People used to do quite well without lighting. Electrical appliances weren't even widely introduced until the 40's. Surely you, even in your limited mental capacity, can find some way to amuse yourself.
ME: I know! I'll use the computer...!
SELF: You can't do that.
ME: Huh...? But WHY not?!
SELF: Computer requires electricity.
ME: Aw, damn! Well, I'll call someone.
SELF: Phone also requires the use of electricity.
ME: It DOES?! But I thought it ran on...I don't know...phone juice.
SELF: You're really quite daft. (For some reason, my Self has a British accent.)
ME: Well ha ha, Self, you think you're so smart...I have...a CELL PHONE! whips it out
SELF: Mmm hrm. Guess who forgot to charge it last night?
CELL PHONE: *bleep* It dies.
ME: Oh yeah, Smarty Trousers?! I also have...A CHARGER! Plugs it in and stares at it for five minutes while nothing happens. Oh...damn.
SELF: Dear Lord, this child is dense. Sprays Me in the face with Lysol to test reflexes
ME: Unfazed...blinks I know! Let's go nuke a burrito...! Very dim bulb appears over head and then fizzles and dies.
SELF: *sigh*

Durrrrr. How are all your brains werking today?

Is the light on, but no one's home? Is the wheel still turning, but the hamster's dead...? Is there a naked loony in the henhouse, but no one's making enchiladas?!

I have no idea what I meant by that.

Do you...?


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