In response to Autumn's sound spanking of the "Ask Men" site, which our friend J astutely observed, "leans a little to the Leykis" (no link for THAT flaming a-hole), I propose this retaliatory solution.

For any men who are inclined to utilize his numeric system of rating women, "she's a solid 9", etc., we shall be forced to employ the following methodology:

1) Find the pig.
2) Strip the pig.
3) Brand the pig's forehead with a big "PIG" tattoo.
3) Okay, so number 3's a little illegal. Sigh. Unfortunate.
4) Observe the pig's pathetic excuse for his manhood. If it becomes erect in the process, cover it with Limburger cheese (via slingshot-like contraption) and bring out the bitey rats. Repeat if necessary.
5) Measure the hog's narsty schlong with a ten food pole marked with 1/2 micrometer increments. (Resort to microscopy if Mr. Wiggles is too diminutive for the pole method.)
6) Note the resultant number.
7) Proceed to refer to Pig by this number, ex. "he's a 0.5", or "he's a 0000.14."
8) Grin an evil grin.

Happy weekend, ladies and non-piggymen!