I spent way too long in a dentist's office last week reading trashy magazines. Hoo boy, did it gave me a headache.

However, before experiencing near-brain death, I had the following observations:

I would really like to see a so-called "star" who didn't have to go out and get some overbred, undernourished dog from an evil breeder who has bred the brain and the hair right off the pooch. I would much rather see them with some kind of wonderful, rescued mutt in tow, preferably taking a big, steaming dump right on the red carpet.

Or, if they absolutely must buy while shelter animals die, like the superficial bitches they are, trying to use a poor animal to make them feel special and exotic, because THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING special about them as a person...ahem... one of these.

Similarly, I would really like to see a "star" who didn't seem to have to wear diamonds - ideally one who would wear only designers who don't use fur and only gemstones that aren't evil, evil lies mined by an even more evil monopolistic industry.

Grrrawddoggnuggetdamnit. But probably they'll just find some new and exotic breed that shits diamonds and pees Cristal. And then when they get tired of it, they can have it killed and make themselves a coat.

Then I read an article in The New York Times this weekend discussing the increasing number of women heading to the altar already puffed up. Apparently it's the newest fashion accessory - a big bloated baby bump! Great. Something else for women to be bitchy and competitive over - they have to have the rings, the place settings, the parties, the china, the fabulous honeymoon suites - and now a pre-packaged baby?! As if brides weren't scary enough as it is, Starzilla. I am horrified by this vision of behemoths in white, striving for a shotgun wedding because it's just just another added "accessory" (which a pet or a child should never be), something else for them to acquire for absolutely the wrong reasons. Is it not enough for these scary creatures to have a big, white dress and a big, white rock...they have to have a big, white ass too? Ugh. Ptooey.

And speaking of Starzilla, Bride of Al-Frankenstein...which is another quote I saw in STAR REFUSE Magazine (I think they dig through their trash!) Quoth the seedy "reporter", Star would get breast-mangling surgery if need be because, get this, "breasts are important to Al."

*blank look*

I can just see him in the Big Gay Mr. USA pageant, during the eensity speaking part of the competition: My name is Al, and my cause - what's really important to me - is world peace, gun control, literacy, racial tolerance...and BOOBIES.

Grrrrrrreat.

Lastly, one more quote from the brain-dead of America: Mary-Kate-Jessica-Ashlee-Lindsay-Yum-Yum-Lopez loves clothes and isn't afraid to wear them.

*blank look*

*slaps self in forehead*

What the hell is wrong with people?

Why the hell do I keep reading this shit?!