Monday, April 04, 2005


I have decided that, since the ides of March skipped me, I have been clobbered by The Arse of April. And it does NOT smell like flowers.

This weekend alone, I:
- ran out of checks just in time to (not) pay my rent
- stepped in "it"
- ate something disagreeable
- had such bad gas I farted and 6,353 miles away, the Pope died
- had horrid, horrid hemorrhaging in the middle of the night that stained the mattress (gross)
- it wasn't my mattress (embarrassing...and gross)
- had to scrub it out with my own toothbrush
- broke my coffee carafe
- missed the opportunity to attend an AA "sober birthday" while intoxicated
- went to a party last Saturday night
- didn't get laid, got in a fight
- uh-huh. It ain't no big thang.
- Grrr.
- everything with a penis was totally uncooperative, up to and including neutered male animals
- did not get a bicycle (again)
- got a ride home from a friend, during which his car got severely rear-ended by two gangbanger miscreants in a fucking new SUV who refused to give up their insurance info. and took off at high speed
- they were probably either uninsured, drunk or...drunk.
- (why do gangbangers have nicer cars than me?!)
- got whiplash, but not as bad as my buddy
- have guilt complex because he was driving me home
- have further guilt complex that I am even thinking about having missed Desperate Housewives because of same...why don't they repeat that shit?
- violence continues to rage in the Middle East
- this is all, somehow, my fault.

I should have totally sicced myself on those arseholes and done a citizen's arrest, but I probably would have just been arrested myself for violation of uninsured, drunk, illegal gangbanger immigrants' rights.

So there, Unimpressed a-hole commentor who accused me of being PC. PC my ass...! Well, that's what they were. And why the FUCK does everyone get off driving an SUV, even unemployed gangbangers? Not only are they evil, they are fucking dangerous because of the height difference - they absolutely plowed my friend's car, sustaining little or no damage to their pendejo-mobile. GRRRR...!

Well, at least they roll over. I just wish they rolled over more often, because there'd be a lot less reckless, selfish, dickless a-holes around, is all I'm sayin'.


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