Tuesday, April 19, 2005
COCKEYED BIATCH
I'm stalling.
The feature I intended to have for you today was not completely researched, because SOMEONE wouldn't take me to the place, but that's okay, because he let me do my laundry, and now his dryer smells like cat pee.
So instead, please consider the following movie posters:
1. Sin Titty. Oops, I mean, Sin City. Observe ze Jessica Alba. Ees nice, no? Ees hot, no...? I think, No. For why...? Because:
WHY ZEY PICK ZEES PEECTURE?!
Es fugly.
Of course, a-ha! None of you were looking at her FACE! Except, perhops, you catty women, like me. Because she is stunning, especially as a brunette. There is no reason for her to be cross-eyed...has anyone seen this? Is it a character thing? Enlighten me.
And speaking of fugly...
2. House of Whacks. I mean, Ho Us Wax. As in, we wax all the time to dis ho:
Is this supposed to be Paris "Punani" Hilton...?
If so, I actually quite like this poster. It appears that Paris is melting. Or dead.
Not that I would wish any such thing on the porny little bitch girl. I would merely like to see her locked in a closet until she is 49, post-menopausal, and can no longer reproduce. I know that sounds mean, but it's for her own good, and for society as a whole. There is a well-established pattern of fuckedupedness in children of mothers named "Paris." Just ask Sebastian "Sebitchian" Bach's kid! Although I can't recall if his Paris is male or female. Oh my fuck, I hope that is not Paris' new boyfriend (also named Paris). See, Paris is French for "spoilt brat-child of new money."
Besides, the dark closet really wouldn't be so bad. I would let her have a mirror to snort coke off of and pose for and to stare at herself, which would amuse her for years. And her tanorexic skin would thank me later.
COCKEYED BIATCHThe feature I intended to have for you today was not completely researched, because SOMEONE wouldn't take me to the place, but that's okay, because he let me do my laundry, and now his dryer smells like cat pee.
So instead, please consider the following movie posters:
1. Sin Titty. Oops, I mean, Sin City. Observe ze Jessica Alba. Ees nice, no? Ees hot, no...? I think, No. For why...? Because:
Es fugly.
Of course, a-ha! None of you were looking at her FACE! Except, perhops, you catty women, like me. Because she is stunning, especially as a brunette. There is no reason for her to be cross-eyed...has anyone seen this? Is it a character thing? Enlighten me.
And speaking of fugly...
2. House of Whacks. I mean, Ho Us Wax. As in, we wax all the time to dis ho:
Is this supposed to be Paris "Punani" Hilton...?
If so, I actually quite like this poster. It appears that Paris is melting. Or dead.
Not that I would wish any such thing on the porny little bitch girl. I would merely like to see her locked in a closet until she is 49, post-menopausal, and can no longer reproduce. I know that sounds mean, but it's for her own good, and for society as a whole. There is a well-established pattern of fuckedupedness in children of mothers named "Paris." Just ask Sebastian "Sebitchian" Bach's kid! Although I can't recall if his Paris is male or female. Oh my fuck, I hope that is not Paris' new boyfriend (also named Paris). See, Paris is French for "spoilt brat-child of new money."
Besides, the dark closet really wouldn't be so bad. I would let her have a mirror to snort coke off of and pose for and to stare at herself, which would amuse her for years. And her tanorexic skin would thank me later.
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