Dear JP,

Sorry I fell asleep and missed your big send-off. It was 12:45 a.m. California time, and I had a suck-ass week. You did too, huh?

Maybe we can hook up in the afterlife...? Er, except I'm not exactly sure we'll be going to the same place. And since I'm a Jew, I kind of just think you get eaten by worms 'n shit.

S'okay, I like worms. Worms are cool. The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out; the worms crawl in, and they shake it all about, right...?

You wanted to get eaten by worms, too, I think. You told them to lay you "in bare earth", but instead they, like, hermetically sealed you. And they didn't send your heart to Poland, where it belonged, either. Sorry about that.

Well, maybe you'll reincarnate as a dove, or something, and you'll pope - I mean, poop - on my head. We'll chat then, 'k?

Oh, and my friend Joe reminds me of when you came to San Antonio? All these doofy people were waiting to see you for hours in the hot sun, and you just did a drive-by at like 60 mph in your Popemobile. Heh heh.

That was cool.