Monday, April 11, 2005


Thankfully, Michelle of When Cats Attack! (best...banner...EVER!) asked me these meme questions today. The dealy is, five of YOU pretty people get to be interrogated by ME, or at least asked 5 deadly questions, for your blogs to poop on. Leave request in comments if you dare.

By the way, there are big, scary developments here at TPKC. Too big and scary for me to write about at present, and until they either get much bigger and scarier or go away entirely. Probably some combination of the two. Fleh.


1. What is the best and worst thing about living in L.A.?

I guess the best thing, I must grudgingly say, is the weather. I love rain, but sometimes it's just ridiculous, and winters with hard freezes suck when you don't have fun snow to frolic in. It's almost always a sunny day here, and when it's not people are all, what the HELL?! How DARE it even attempt to be overcast?! We're spoiled. I actually get Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), and freeze my bippy off, when out of L.A. during the winter.

The worst thing is the people. That didn't sound very nice. But it's true. Not so much the quality of the people, but the density. The traffic out here makes you want to pull your hair out, kind of like a caged bird will get stressed out and start self-mutilating. And it's just generally kind of cruddy here. I mean, there are really nice places in California, but I can neither afford to live in them nor even visit them very often. There are always more estoopid people moving here, like lemmings, so the landlords are having a field day. Which drives the rents up insanely high. Living somewhere you can't really afford isn't very enjoyable most of the time. Also you tend to get rear-ended by insane, uninsured drivers and the cops won't do anything about it because they are too busy beating and shooting people and your shit gets stolen all the time and everyone's a ripoff artiste and nobody cares. But that's just my experience. Maybe I'm just a giant, walking lollipop with a target on it that says "HURT ME! I SUCK...!"

That, and trying to find a meaningful relationship here, which is also for shit.

2. What is your favorite book and why?

This one, with this being a close second. George Saunders is a bizarro genius. I don't have either of these because I keep lending them out and they don't get returned. See above.

He writes a lot about things I like and/or can relate to, like cavemen, drug addicts, sick children, theme parks, male strippers, why you should show your cock, and people who "poop in your oatmeal". He understands...! And he doesn't even live in L.A.! Amazing.

3. We have a mutual hate of stupid (stoopid) commercials. What is, in your opinion, the most horrible commercial on television in the past few years?

Without a doubt, the Lamisil commercials featuring the horrid, disgusting Digger the Dermatophyte. I hate feet and toenails, and these are just beyond sickening. I think they should repackage and sell Digger as an appetite suppressant. That would beat the hell out of Hoodia gordonii or whatever bull hock they put in TrimSpa. What a Crock 'O Hock. Ptooey.

4. What is your history of cats? Meaning, how did you find them and how did they get their names?

Oh, dear. I think I am going to have to make you an Excel spreadsheet.

Here you go. And I have been taken under advisement by those near and dear to me that we will no longer be on speaking terms if I obtain any more cats.

5. If you were on a reality show like Survivor, where would you like to end up and which kind of person would you be? (the lazy one, the quirky one, the bitch,etc.) Also, what would be the one luxury item your would take with you?

Apparently, I am The Crazy One, and/or The Boring One. I've been on two reality shows and I've been both. One of them never aired. Probably because I wasn't The Horny One or The Naked One, which, if you're wondering, is a good way to get on TV.

Because I'm The Boring, Crazy One, I would like my reality show to be in the bush, because I like saying, "in the bush". The bush is apparently a good place for crazy people to go. Or else, deep jungle, so I could use Deep Jungle® OFF!, not shave, and be entirely off camera at all times because the annoying film crew could never find me in there. Then they could give me my lifetime supply of Odor Eaters® insoles, if they wouldn't give me money or a really nice electric car, and I could go home to my 20 cats, stick the Odor Eaters all over the ceiling and walls, and scoop poop in padded luxury for the rest of my smelly little life.

Thank you.


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