Please do this now. It may get you fired, or make people think you are crazy. But that is not my problem. And if your wife asks you what you are doing, tell her "juicing".

Take two oranges. Now squish 'em together and connect 'em with a toothpick, and squash 'em down a little until the back sides jut out like the narrow end of a hard-boiled egg. Thank you.

Now use your imagination.

Imagine them walking down the street balanced on two toothpick legs.

Would you:
a) whistle or make lewd slurping noises
b) speed up
c) think about baseball, or
d) fuck off?

Are you:
e) Afro-American
f) Hispanic Causing Panic
g) Caucasian
h) Eskimo/Inuit/Other?

My "oranges" are experiencing a lot of a) and I'm getting kind of irked that they only seem to be appreciated *exclusively* by e)s and f)s and not at all by g)s or h)s. I don't like being skewed, or screwed, by any particular demographic. Actually, I really wish that they would all just d).

Ugh.

Guess that's what I get for walking or running in LA. People either think you must be looking for action or you have stolen something.