So my brain has pretty much gone adios, muthafucka! for the day.

I think I just stared at the front of a cereal box for about half an hour, thinking, SPARKLES? Raisins don't have sparkles.*

*Exaggerated for comedic effect.

They're not even particularly shiny, that I'm aware of.

I mean, you wouldn't put sparkle-vision on a turd, would you...?

You would? FINE.

Or even...oh, no. You wouldn't.

I don't think he'd like that very much.

My sandwich came with a packet of mayonnaise that said Og CARBS! on the label. Wha...? Who gives a smelly rat hole about how many carbs are in mayo? Mayo is, like, the most caloric substance known to man, aside from peanut butter and Double Chocolate Triple Sphincter Ripple with Nuts. Fffffft.

But it doesn't have any CARBS! Damn Atkins, for simultaneously making "carb" a household term and a four-letter word. And for the fact that the fattiest substance known to man might as well say WARNING! MAY CAUSE DEATH!, yet it can still probably say, "CARB FREE"!

I shit on your "carb-free lifestyle".

Also, I took a muscle relaxer, and now I can't stop farting.

That is all.