Friday, April 15, 2005


Consumer report: TurboTax sucks the diseased hairy rectum of the IRS. Their program is buggy and their customer service rots in hell.

Witness the following transcript:

Please wait while we find an agent to assist you...
[5 mins later...]
All agents are currently busy. Please stand by.
[Another 5 mins. later...]
An agent will be with you in a moment. Thank you for your patience.
[Doo doo doo do doo doo doo do doo...]
You have been connected to 320 Rebecca.
320 Rebecca: Hello , how may I help you today?
Pisser: I cannot print my payment stub to send to the IRS because of a bug in your system. I received an e-mail including a promotional code that supposedly would allow me to print my stub, but the program does not give me the option to enter a new promotional code. According to your own FAQ, you cannot enter a promotional code except for when you are paying for TurboTax, which I have already done. What now...?
320 Rebecca: Okay, what is happening when you try to print your stub?
Pisser: It is telling me I have to pay you AGAIN before printing. I have already paid and received my refund.
320 Rebecca: Okay, what version of TurboTax are you using?
320 Rebecca: What amount are you being charged?
Pisser: Turbo Tax for the web.
Pisser: $44.95.
Pisser: Basic, 2004.
320 Rebecca : Okay, the only way that you are going to be able to get around this is to pay the fee and then get a refund from our sales and service department. Sales and service number is 1-866-373-7820.
Pisser: Oh, hell no.
320 Rebecca : You are unable to enter the promotional code and that is the only other way that I can get the fee to go away.
Pisser: Well, I'm not paying again. I'm sorry I paid the first time. I won't be using your product again if this is the way I am to be treated.
320 Rebecca: You will get a refund of the amount that you pay.
Pisser: Look, I already paid you. It is ridiculous to ask me to pay a SECOND time. And frankly, I don't have the funds available.
320 Rebecca: Okay, could you hold on a moment please?
Pisser: Thank you.
[I hold on for 15 mins. and the thingy times out]
320 Rebecca: Thank you for waiting, in your return can I get you to click on step 7. filing and click on "the bottom line".
Pisser: Sure.
320 Rebecca: What options do you have on that screen?
Pisser: One sec...have to sign back in
320 Rebecca: Okay.
Pisser: It just tells me my total is $44.95, including a promo code
= $0.00. I can only go Back or Continue.
320 Rebecca: Okay, one moment please.
320 Rebecca: Okay, since you [oh, FINE, go and blame the customer] have already entered a promotional code you are unable to enter another. [Why would I enter a promo code for $0?!] You could start your return over [!!!] and get you a new promotional code. I could send you the download for the TurboTax desktop software so that you can install that and download your data file and then you will be able to print for free.
Pisser: I don't think I am allowed to install anything on this computer, but I will try anything to avoid doing the whole thing over again. Unless I can just send the IRS my order summary or something.
[This is the long boring technical part that didn't work anyway so I cut it out while bitching to our friend Dex.]

Dex: 320 Rebecca sounds cute!
Pisser: Hey...how did YOU get in here? Fine, I'll ask her out for you. Yeesh.

320 Rebecca: Are you on a home computer, or where are you at?
Pisser: Work. I might be able to try it from home if it doesn't work on this one.
Pisser: Does the IRS really need that stub...? I can't just send them a check w/ my SSN on it?
320 Rebecca: I do not know that, you would have to contact the IRS to find out if they would except [sic] that.
Pisser: Uh...okay. Doesn't know what the IRS will accept, yet...they make tax software. *mutter, mutter*

320 Rebecca has left the session.
Your agent is experiencing technical difficulties. Please stand by while we re-establish contact or find a new agent...
Please wait while we find an agent from the Triage_Chat department to assist you.
You have been connected to 320 Rebecca .
Pisser: Ha!
320 Rebecca: I apologize for that I lost my connection.
Pisser: No problem. Everything I touch breaks.
320 Rebecca: Can I get you to go to the following link and enter your Request ID: 1167066593...
The agent is sending you to http://support.turbotax.com/go/get.
Pisser: Downloading...
320 Rebecca: Great.
Pisser: (whistling)...Do people flirt with you on this thing...?
320 Rebecca: I can actually say that yes it has happened.
Pisser: Egad...! Okay, it's opening.
Pisser: The cust. svc. bot, Anna, on the IKEA site doesn't put up with that, you know ;)
320 Rebecca: ...Okay.
[She blew me off...! Didn't work, didn't work]...
Pisser: Well...I don't guess anyone could fax it to me somehow.
320 Rebecca: No, we are unable to access your information. I would check with the IRS they may accept something else.
Pisser: Splendid. I am not in that big a hurry to pay my taxes anyway.
320 Rebecca: Yes, I understand but it has to be done.
320 Rebecca: Okay, the link has been e-mailed to you so you will be able to install that when you get home. [Yeah, but I still couldn't open my shit!]
320 Rebecca: Is there anything else that I can do for you right now?
Pisser: No, thanks, Rebecca 320. I shall commend you to your dark overlords.
320 Rebecca: I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for visiting TurboTax Support chat today. I invite you to participate in the customer survey that will be presented when you close this chat window. Thanks again and have a good day!
Pisser: *sniff* She didn't even say goodbye...

Epilogue: None of this worked. I finally hauled off and did it myself, then mailed the check this morning...parting is such sweet sorrow. I had to go to the IRS site and fill out a 1040-V, which they didn't make very easy to find, either. I guess they don't want you to be able to find your forms, so they can PENALIZE you.

Not to mention that doing my taxes MYSELF online, AND paying for it, and then still having to e-mail them three times, do a chat session, and then spend another hour trying to download their crap (which didn't work), all for naught...well, I might as well have paid somebody to do it for me considering that my time is valuable, damn it.

Well, not that valuable, but worth the $100 to pay H & R (Cock)Block or something, sheesh.

I want my money and my damn 3 hours back...!


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