Monday, May 09, 2005


The weirdness I experienced last week has apparently decided to follow me into this one.

First of all, I wrote about that little loopity-loop on a Hostess cupcake? Well, that same day, I saw one on the ground. A chunk of inexplicably rejected chocolate cupcake, along with a partial loopity-loop. Uh...God?

No, I did not pick it up and eat it, though had it been an intact cupcake and not just a discarded chunk with the loopity loop, I wouldn't put it past me.

Then, on the Metro, I saw a guy whose pants had that same white loopity-loop design on the butt of his baggy-assed jeans. And I do mean baggy-assed, or I would have probably thought that was another gift from God and taken a bite out of crime. Har. I'm kidding. I don't go around biting strangers' asses. (Unless they are chocolate ones and not Twinkies.)

Besides, it was obvious that someone else had already bitten his, hence the deflated appearance of his flaccid buttocks. I do not like flat butts, Paris "Flaccid" Hilton.

And speaking of flattenting butts, then, our friend Mr. T, who got rear-ended not long ago while giving me a ride home (I'm rotten luck) got rear-ended again. By a gay guy coming out of a leather bar. Hrm, with the irony.

And last but not least, I almost got brained when a Hi-Bounce ball hit the passenger side of the Crankymobile. (Which is extremely silly, and unfortunately not available as a death sentence, along with electrocution or lethal injection, because I would definitely pick the stoning by happy rubber balls.)

Yes, I was almost snuffed out by a GIANT BOUNCY BALL, right after our friend got rear-ended by rear-enders and I was hallucinating about the loopity-looped Hostess cupcake ass. What of it...?

Of all the stupid ways to die. And it's only Monday.

Weird-assed week.


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