You know those stupid fake Indian dreamcatchers, that are supposed to filter out your bad dreams or some crap...?

Yeah, well, around here, I'm the shitcatcher.

Even though I have absolutely nothing to do with these things, I have to hear people bitch about them.

Can't find parking? I catch shit.
In a bad mood with your boss? I catch shit.
Your printer isn't working? I catch shit.
The IT department sucks? I catch shit.
Your pad is riding up in a wad? I catch shit.
The phones are down? I catch shit.
Your kid is a teenage fuckhead with an attitude problem? I catch shit.
Your dog took a big, steaming dump on the floor because you didn't walk him in time? I catch (and smell) shit.
You got a bad haircut? I catch shit. Then, I have to look at you.
An actor wants a ham sandwich? I catch shit.
They are running late on set because the anorexic actress is M.I.A. and is snorting coke off a toilet seat in a trailer somewhere? I catch shit.
Got a problem with the drinky-drinky? I catch shit.
You don't like the weather? I catch shit.
Couldn't get laid if you stapled Brad Pitt to your schlong? I catch shit.
A stitch in time saves nine? I catch shit.
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plane? I catch shit.
Somewhere it Utah, a gnat queefed in some Mormon's soup? I catch shit.

You get the idea.

Got a problem? Try not to bitch at the person who is tethered to her desk, so she can't do anything about it even if she did give a hot (or even a lukewarm) damn.

Thank you.