It is against my religion to make life hard for "the little people*", considering I have been one of them - and except in the physical sense, still am.

*No, I do not mean Verne "Mini Me" Troyer.

I mean people like your waitress, butcher, baker, candlestick maker, hooker, and grocery store checker-outer person (GSCOP).

But sometimes, I fall short of my noble goal because I suck at organizing myself. You are lucky if I am even wearing pants.

This is why you do not want to be my grocery store checker-outer person:

GSCOP: Hello.
TPK: Grumble, grrbl, grumblydoo.
GSCOP: Uh. I can check you out, there's no waiting on this aisle.
TPK: I'm not ready. I was deliberately standing behind the senior citizen with the full cart and the 32 coupons because I need time to get organized. But ok.
GSCOP: ???
TPK: Rummages in purse for checkbook, because she is a broke-ass skank. Rummages in purse for driver's license, because she needs it for checkbook and she intends to purchase alcoholic beverages, even though in the morning, she will be a tardy, fatter, even broker-assed, dehydrated skank.
GSCOP: Do you have a Von's Card?
TPK: Waitaminute...do you have a pen?
GSCOP: Your total is $32.06 (Tampax, 20 cans of cat food, pear cider, and one lonely Lean Cuisine.)
TPK: Wait! Wait...I have a card! I have a card-! Rummages more, until contents of purse, including a tampon and thong underwear stuck to Velcro Jesus wallet plop out onto counter.
GSCOP: Pretending not to notice...what's your phone number?
TPK: It's _ _ _ - _ _ _ _.
GSCOP: Punches it into computer...nope.
TPK: !@#$%! _ _ _ - _ _fukkin' _ _?!
GSCOP: Nope!
TPK: !@#@$ing _ _ _ - _ _ _ _, or _ _ _ - _ _ _ _ !@#$?!
GSCOP: No, no. No.
TPK: I HATE THOSE CARDS - I HATE THOSE !@#$ ing THINGS!!!
GSCOP: Asking impatient guy behind me...do YOU have a Von's card...?
IMPATIENT GUY: Yeah.
SCANNER: Bloop.
GSCOP: Thank you, Miss Pisserman. You saved $0.02.
TPK: ... ¡@#$$%!

And that is why you do not want to be my grocery store checker-outer person.