Sorry, didn't mean to quote Debbie Gibson.

I lost my phone this weekend. Looked all over. Couldn't find it anywhere. Called it. No ring. Nothing. _______.

Went a whole day without it. Didn't think about it. Went back to Cranky's and he said: it was on the car seat, under your butt the whole time.

I've gone into a shame spiral. Agh! The numb, unfeeling meat of my rump roast-! Am I really big enough to be losing things in my ass?! I'm like that woman from The Far Side with the small dog wedged in her crack. I didn't even feel that. And it's not the smallest phone ever made. What's next...the cat?!

I am so humiliated. Horrors.

I'm thinking of writing a horror movie about my ass, called THE ASSBYSS.
But then again, no.