Tuesday, June 21, 2005


That's Six Feet Under, not Shut the Fuck Up, in case anyone was offended. Although I'm beginning to think that they should be one and the same.

If you do not watch, then I apologize. Consider this your validation.

Cranky hates this show. I think it's because, unlike Deadwood, no one is usually telling anyone they have seven kinds of cockbreath while simultaneously shooting them in the head and stealing their husband. Or like The Sopranos, where people are cheating on their wife while snorting cocaine and bashing someone's face into the bar at the same time. It's just not exciting enough for him.

I prefer less as opposed to more killings in my disturbing television experience, even though this is a show about death.

What I don't like is all the sex between ugly people. I've gone blind nine times already. And they do it with no warning, as they nearly never show the foreplay. They just abruptly cut to...BAM, bumping uglies. Agh...!

The writers of SFU especially like to depict intercourse between Brenda, who looks like the large-nosed offspring of a mule and an ostrich, and Nate, who is just, uh. Nate. With or without Nate's toddler watching, this is just gross and uncalled for.

Then there is Claire. I like Claire. She is very attractive when she doesn't open her mouth. But she has very bad taste in men. When she wasn't fucking some schizoid tattooed junkie; slimy, spineless, girly Russell, or an actual girl (Mena "Giant, Bulbous Forehead" Suvari), she was bitching and moaning and being a big honking potheaded baby. Shut the Fuck Up, Claire. Yeah, that should be the title of the impending spin-off.

But now she is buggering Brenda's Brother Billy. Which means we get to enjoy his sexy armpit hair, which is long and luxurious, tidy whities, and pasty ass. Wonderful.

At least I get to see gay men having sex on occasion. HOORAY FOR TWO GUYS KISSING...! Fuck you, Paris Hilton, if you don't like it. You insecure skeezoid attention-whoring hammer-toed crotch-flasher...! Cranky is yelling "no, NO!" while I am cheering them on, "yes, YES...!" David and Keith are #1! HOTTT...!

I just hope they don't show Ruth humping Geriatric George again, but I wouldn't put it past them.


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