Welcome to another brief installment of The Pisser (Addy) Awards, where we have selected the two worst print ads we have seen in a while, and by "we" I mean myself and the cats, and by "selected", I mean "peed on".

The first is this perfume (we think) ad from Moshinininnio. (Why the hell do designers have these names we can't even pronounce? Is it the snob factor? I think so.) Well, as far as I can figure, this is either a scent or an ad for an ice-cream sundae which recently fornicated with a clown. Either way, it scares me. Is this a trend? Are young girls going to start wearing "clown chic"? Am I going to have to hide out in the Alaskan tundra until this horror desists...?And what's with the Solid Gold Lee Press-On Nails? I will not buy this bizarre mishmash of crap I don't know whether to eat or wear or run from or what.

And by the way, is not "cheap and chic", it costs $55.

Whatever it is.

And the second piss, er, award, of the day goes to...this.

There are no words for this kind of blatancy except...Ew, ew, icky, icky poo.

Plus, I don't get it. If they only knew WHAT? That the woman wearing the short skirt has an open sore...? That she is really a man? That the mysterious viscous substance running down her leg is NOT Vanilla-Mango flavored Surgi-Wax?! Which, by the way, tastes terrible...?!

I did buy this, however. I am guilty. It smells okay, but you have to use an excessive amount of wax because the kit doesn't advise using muslin strips. Now I am out of wax and Hairy Connick, Jr. is running around with a half-assed half an ass-wax.

This is all your fault, Surgi-Wax®.

I have subsequently experienced emotional distress as a result of viewing these two ads, Hairy, and my phobia of clowns. To avenge my near-death, please go forth and boycott these two items.

Thank you.