I made the mistake of wearing boxers to bike to work today and was nonplussed when they decided to go on an expedition up and over Thigh Bulge, so by the time I got to work it looked like I was wearing a weird male panty. And just in time to run into my boss.

(And by the way, DOG LEG WARMERS!)

I guess that's why they designed bike shorts, although those hazard the double threat of a pantyline, if you wear underwear (damned if you do) and the feared and loathsome camel toe (damned if you don't). I think I'll just stick to these, thanks. Ooh, and these are cute. I might need to start wearing 'em at my desk, anyway, for those "special" times, when no one comes to break me. Grr. Woof.

Maybe my boss will spring for a box of these.

But what I really want for Christmas, even though I'm a Jew, is one of these. It's supposed to tell dogs where to go.

How useful-! The potential for mischief is great. I think I'll plant one on the grave of anyone who pisses me off.

You know what to do, boys.