Happy Birthday, Mangey...! I hope that you do whatever the hell you damn well please, up to and including slinging (used) tampons at those shriveled twats, Spit and Spat (a wonderful party game of her own invention). Huzzah! How delightfully festive-!

But hey now, this has gone too far.

These badly scanned "free samples" are a violation of public decorum. Please note the content of the illegible copy (below the "flower") is: LIFT HERE and take a breath! No WAY. Yes, way.

It is ironic that I am saying this on Mangey's birthday, but I beg of you - DO NOT INHALE.

I picked these scratch 'n sniff cards up at the SavOn, yes, of my own volition - but they were RIGHT THERE, in PLAIN VIEW. Where everyone could see, basically IMPLORING PEOPLE TO SNIFF THEIR CROTCH PRODUCTS.

Not to mention that it is morally, ethically, and physically wrong to forcibly inject artificial perfumes into your beloved pants-orchid. It probably increases your risk of cervical and asscancer.

It's sick. It's degrading. And, in the name of common decency, I will not stand for it.

So...I'm sitting down.

(For the record, Poon Fairy #1 smells like a recently showered can of Glade Fresh Snatch 'n Twat; Fragrance #2 is more like FDS meets FTD: a vag that has recently frolicked through a grassy field of synthetic flowers and maybe had a bouquet shoved up itself.) Now I have a headache.

Thanks a lot, Procter & Gamble. You owe me $7 for Extra-Strength Tylenol. And stay out of my stank cooze...! It is just fine how it is.