My mom's coming out this week so there are a multitude of things I should be doing, but instead I find myself staring at Spanish television under the false pretense of becoming fluent in that language.

Instead, I end up seeing:
* a woman who has a wig dyed to match every outfit she owns
* a full cast of adult characters dressed up as schoolchildren
* way too many boobies (yes, there is such a thing, Maine)
* much too much titillation to be viewed by young children
* a nun reaching into her habit and producing some sausages and a sandwich for Cristina (Spanish Oprah), plus candy for all the little children and other foodstuffs which she throws into the audience
* a man in tights chasing around an animated spaceship with a mallet and indiscriminately bonking people on the head while missing the aliens completely and a chicken running around the kitchen table for no reason.

You can't make up this shit. Wonderful.

Only the Japanese are more whimsical in their programming, I think. Does this stuff even make more sense in its native tongue...? Sure, plastic bimbos play semi-nude street games with midgets and giant clowns, using chickens as basketballs (KFC) all the time around here.