Gimmie a muzzle.

I really am going to hurt someone soon if people don't start behaving themselves. I will take immense satisfaction in it, and no, I won't be sorry.

Like this morning, this mini-man with a large German shepherd hissed at me the minute I hit the sidewalk (because I couldn't enter the street without hitting a car), "kareful the dog, KARE-FUL THE DOG! You're on a BIKE!!!"

"No KIDDING?!" I replied. I did not know that, a-hole. Thanks for rubbing my nose in the fact that I am carless first thing in the morning, in case I had forgotten overnight. And I wasn't gonna hit your big, unmuzzled brute of a dog. I love dogs. I hate you.

But I was only going <2 mph anyway, because the sidewalk was full of palm tree detritus, and you and Bruno could have stepped to one side, couldn't you? But no, you had to hog the sidewalk and be a flaming ass first thing in the morning.

I hate people of a certain persuasion who think that they can talk to a woman that way just because their culture raised them to be arrogant, mysogynistic pricks with vicious dogs in public. They make me want to get off my bike and beat them to death with a box of "heavy flow" Tampax.

I'll bet the dog, who probably also thinks his owner is an asshole, would gladly join me.

When I finally snap? Will you come and pry my jaw loose off of the nearest man's (probably upper management's) tender, juicy left buttock...?

I have already warned his assistant that this might happen, and/or she will be getting a call from a law enforcement agency regarding me, sooner or later...she's got a nice, soothing voice, so she can talk me down while you get the crowbar. 'K...?