Meme because 1) my back hurts, and 2) I'm just about to take a muscle relaxer that renders me almost as intelligent as a dead Boston fern. Last time I took one, my co-workers enjoyed watching me on the security cams as I bounced off of the walls like that square, white blip in PONG.

Enjoy, motherfuckers.

EVERYBODY NEEDS
Everyone needs something...
I (meaning whoever sent this to me) love these. Here's what you do: go to google.com and type "(your name) needs" Then pick the 5 funniest ones there.

(If your name is Douchebag, you would put this into the search engine: "Douchebag needs"...you get the idea.)

Then copy and paste this into a new bulletin (comment, tattoo, whatever) with your answers filled in.

1. Pisser needs a your prayers!!!!! [sic]
2. Pisser needs needs £5000 yes, yes!
3. Pisser needs a patient family that will be able to provide her with unconditional love, structure, guidance and security. (Pisser is a Special Olympian, too. Good name for one.)
4. Pisser needs to put on the safety mittens before she's allowed to brush her own teeth
5. Pisser needs an escort *snort* Escort service, more like.

Actually, I'd settle for the £5000 and a lemon bundt cake.

What do you greedy bastids need...?