Thursday, October 13, 2005


One of my highly skilled, heavily compensated responsibilities here at the H'wood (that's Hollywood, for short) Insane Asylum for Entertainment Types Who Have Snapped is putting out the dailies. The dailies are Industry speak for little rags like Variety and The Hollywood Reporter which detail who was hired for what project and who is funding what flim (yes, I said FLIM, that's drunk-editor-at-4-a.m. speak for film), like the Wall St. Journal of entertainment, except with better pictures.

They also report on how various FLIMS are doing at the box office, or B.O. for short, because there's only so much column space available, you see. And also because it sounds like gangsta rap. Chill.

Here are some examples of the headlines about the B.O. (does your 'wood have o'seas B.O.? Thas' yo' problem.):

Big B reigns at the BO! I wouldn't be so proud of that, if I were him.
BOFFO AT THE B.O. I thought Socko had the B.O.
Heads roll at the B.O. That bad, huh.
Weekend B.O. Apparently, a lot of people don't wash on the weekend.
Titanic's B.O. grosses...me out?
The good and bad about the B.O. There's good B.O.? This is news to me.
Binge And Purge at the B.O. Well, that's one way of doing it...personally, I purge after smelling dog business.
"Torrente 3: The Protector" broke Spanish B.O. records - if only Torrente The Protector were an underarm deodorant...
$80 million, that is still fairly low considering the BO...for $80 mil, who cares about the B.O.?
A Less Than Heavenly Weekend at the B.O. Well, I should think so.
Gigli's failure at the B.O. That J.Lo bitch can't even stank right.
Matrix didn't do so well at the B.O. One would think this would be a good thing, but no.
Why isn't The Hulk doing well at the B.O. Surprising. I always thought that green, sweaty dude would stink up the place. Why is he green, anyway? Is there a slime mold growing on his junk or what...?
B.O. heating up for Wallace That's what happens when Wallace wears those hairy sweaters.
Greeks unleashed at the B.O. Bad idea. Everyone knows Greeks are notoriously smelly, and should be kept on leashes.
OH GOD NO!: Kangaroo Jack is #1 at the B.O. Kangaroos: also smelly.
'Van Helsing' makes a killing at the B.O. Vampires are even smellier. Undead B.O. is the worst.

I hope you all have a good weekend in your box. Er. O.


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