They have done it again.

Citizens of the Earth, the crotch products people will not rest until all menstruating women are frolicking through the fields bouncing upon happy cotton ponies of estrogen-laced disposable bleached hygienic products.

I could hardly believe my eyes last night - I could only wish I hadn't seen it. The offending commercial is not on their site yet. Hopefully it will be pulled before that happens...but the grinning maxi pad one apparently wasn't bad enough.

always, lookit. Maxi pads do not smile. They may have wings, but they cannot fly (or at least, they shouldn't).

A maxi pad is not a sofa. They do not pop out and fold into lawn chairs. Not even if you are having a really heavy period, and perhaps need bedsheet-sized maxis. That is just gross.

They are not nice, fragrant, lovely places to lay your head*. THEY ARE BODILY FLUID DISCHARGE CATCHERS ADHERED TO YOUR SOILED UNDERPANTS. CROTCH SCENT = BAD.

No, you do not have to "sit on it all day." (You wish, always.) Deal with it. For crissake, wear a tampon or change the nasty thing every coupla hours. Do you, always, have to bring this up during dinnertime-?

If you, always, really want women to "have a happy period", you should lace your products with happy hormones or morphine or make them vibrate or some shit.

Don't think they haven't thought of it. I'M WATCHING YOU, always.

Who still wears pads, anyway. Yucccch.

*unless you are my uncle, who needed some surgical drainage pads, but my grandma said those were too expensive so she almost bought him maxis, instead. Not too emasculating.