A man here just got flowers.

Oh, please. I am so not dealing with flowers for a heterosexual male.

I said that to the delivery man. He looked at me funny.

They weren't even man flowers.

They were ugly.

Probably from a client.

I'm not jealous or anything.

I get flowers every Monday. Not from an admirer. We order them. From the florist.

When that delivery man brings them, I say, "oh. The damn flowers are here."

He looks at me funny too.

Also, screaming babies keep following me in the grocery store.

When Screamy's mom comes and stands behind me in line, I move to another aisle, far, far away from them, in a distant galaxy.

She looks at me funny, as well.

I think I have a personality disorder.

Screw 'em.