I am so disorganized today, I did the following:

1) Woke up late slobbering on own self after dreaming my cat had turned brown
2) Looked for insurance card to fax to doctor's office...could not find
3) Looked for driver's license I dropped at doctor's office and had to have mailed to me...also unsuccessful.
4) Insisted on taking a shower...hate sitting in own filth all day.
5) To save time, instead of washing hair, rinsed and finger-combed some conditioner through my Brillo pad/half-Afro hybrid; was unable to locate claw clip to set, so now have crunchy, spooge-filled beastie on head.
6) Discovered "quick" shower had taken 20 mins; went to call in late
7) Discovered "pay-as-you-go" plan had gone and went, so had to find pay phone
8) Found pay phone at 7-11, but homeless and/or jobless man with all the time in the world was yakking away to Michigan, or some shit
9) Was dubious about finding a pay phone in chichi neighborhood, but pedaled there anyway
10) My bicycle chain fell off; is extremely difficult to put back on w/o getting oil all over yourself
10) Got oil all over myself.
11) Rode to Larchmont Village while steering with plastic-bag covered hand and two fingers
12) Actually did find upscale pay phone; snooty Hollywood types use it to curb their dogs. It looked like one of them had partially eaten the receiver.
13) Called in stupid.

Guess I'm not the only one with mechanical malfunction today. Two guys at work said their cars wouldn't start. Is Mercury in retrograde or some patchouli-smelling armpit haired crunchy granola shit...?