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Monday, December 12, 2005

JINGLE PHLEGM 

I am sick, but rather than staying in bed (like an intelligent person), listening to Mr. Mucus rattle around in my chest, I'm swigging NyQuil, getting all hopped up on cough syrup, and singing deviations of "Jingle Bells" everywhere I go. This is extremely stupid, and results in junk like the following.

Regarding the cat:

Hairy ass-!
Hairy ass-!
Hairy, hairy ass...!
Hairy, hairy dingleberry
Hairy, hairy ass...HEY!

and, hiking in the park:

I really hate L.A.
what cruddy, smoggy mess
We only have three seasons:
Fire, Ant, and Dirt

Dashing through the dirt...
it's getting in my shoe
Sliding on my ass
Stepping in dog poo

Slipping on the rocks
skidding in the crud
What fun it is to slip and fall and skin my knee in dirt.
O! Jingle smog, sidewalk hog, won't you curb your dog...?

And later, back at the office:

Jingly crock!
Big, fat, cock!
Fuck me in the ass...!
You're a big fat corporate whore
and you have bitch tits...tweak!

(TITTY TWISTER!!!)

Jingle crick,
Corporate dick
Someone call HR
The bastid's whack
Showed me his crack
And now I've got to barf-!

What am I, twelve...?

You may either have my apologies, or just make your own, you sick holiday fucks.

# posted by Pisser @ 11:41 AM
JINGLE PHLEGM
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