Wednesday, December 07, 2005


I went to the Gay Target (ze Gay Tar-zhay) last night because I am young, impulsive, and an idiot. You might say I am their target demographic. Get it, target/Target? No...? You're right. That was dumb.

Nevermind. I went to get a (1) (one) backpack.

I ended up with fatigue, a splitting headache, blurred vision, faint nausea, dizziness, low blood sugar, and tired dogs. And all this just from walking around inside the store, trying to locate the backpack section.

Plus I had walked about a mile to get there, but in the fresh air, I was fine. But the list I had made disintegrated in my sweaty little paw and I can't read my writing even under normal circumstances so when I looked at it, it appeared that I had arrived at the store with the intention to buy some "farts."

Therefore, I managed somehow to purchase the following:

- Pink grapefruit-scented dish soap

- Choxie (in spite of my violent opposition to their v. annoying slogan/commercial...I sicken myself but hey. It's chocolate.)

- a purple spatula (heh heh. It says "silicone head.")

- Size S "fuck me" blouse for company party

- Size 12 "fuck it" pants for rest of the time

- Some kind of poultry byproduct pot pie, which contained all 2,000 calories I needed for the day plus 30-odd grams of fat; de-frosted onto the fuckit pants and now my pants are wet. Fuck you, Marie Callender's, for fucking my fuckit pants. Fuck you, Target, for having a grocery section next to a clothing store.

- emergency $10 bra because my unmentionables are starting to fall out of my unmentionables

- emergency backup bra

- emergency backup bra for backup bra

- emergency underpants

- girly goop - this is total b.s.

- absolutely unnecessary lipgloss

- a miniature stocking I don't need

- a thing; I don't even know what this thing is, why did I buy this thing? Must have been delirious. Should return this. Maybe then they'll tell me what this thing is.

- chocolate frog and something called a "Fizz Whizbee"

- I know, I know

- Much too much toilet paper, since they don't seem to carry smaller quantities for single persons with cats. But at least I actually needed this.

- a Gummi lunch set consisting of Gummi pizza, Gummi Coke, Gummi hamburgers, a Gummi hot dog, and Gummi French fries.

- leave me alone.

By the way, I never found my backpack.



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