Monday, December 26, 2005


Trip was a disaster area, but not a total write off. For example, I got stuck in Greyhound Fuckdom/shuttle bus hell/South Texas drug bust/high speed chase nightmare. I did not project venturing out of L.A. only to deal with worse traffic.

So the day was shot to hell but I was nonetheless pleased to see my family and grandparents. They make me laugh.

Everyone is old, and seems to have aged exponentially in the past 8? months since I've been home - especially my maternal grandfather and the dog, who are both semi-blind and incontinent. (I know, I am making this sound like a dream vacation.)* Two of my aunts have been exerting pressure on my grandmother to put Nicky (they call him "Icky") down for no offense other than being old and smelly. Okay, so he looks a little like a cross between Jenner from The Secret of NIMH, Gollum, and a min-pin, but still...

The next disaster area was when I traveled to South "Drug Bust" Texas, and was about to haul my generous ass all the way back up north to see my father, only to discover that the wayward sperm donor had flown to L.A. recently and didn't even call me. Again. My cute ex-nun aunt laughed that last time the bastid did this, he told them all specifically not to tell me, but "this time he didn't say." What a massive ass he is. Now my grandpa, the good father, is irate with my sweet aunt. This is not logical. I am glad she told me, because I am tired of feeling like a chump. I just don't know what to do about him. I have tried and tried to have some semblance of a relationship with him (after all, he appears to be actively parenting my half-sister) but it is completely one-sided, and I am sick of being dissapointed and hurt time after time. And by the way? He came out to visit my douchebag cousins - one of whom is - get this - a therapist.

I guess her so-called therapeutic advice was for him to ignore me like the red-headed stepchild I am. Nice.

Well, if any of you have any ideas of what would be truly therapeutic for me - I cannot care about him at this point as he clearly never takes my feelings into consideration - let me know. Cranky's suggestions all involve violence, and as I've told him before, you cannot go through life punching people in the face. It's just not realistic. However, I have been enjoying a "therapeutic" fantasy involving a carefully worded note, a piece of my ex-cousin's furniture, an axe, and the obstruction of her driveway. Sigh.

Anyway, thank you all in advance for helping me laugh about this utter bullsh*t. I hope your holidays were better, and if they were worse, I want to hear about it. Hell. I'm just thankful nobody wound up in the hospital this time.

*I read an article which counseled, "stop thinking of your trip home as a vacation."

Good idea.


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