Monday, January 09, 2006


Due to the over-eventfulness of this past weekend, I will only be posting about the highly superficial today.

Commercials. I have noticed a distinct set of oddball trends which I find increasingly disturbing.

1.) Mexicans. I am not even a little brown, so why do I feel somewhat offended? All of the sudden, it has become politically correct to use the cliched Cheech and Chong Mexican gangbanger voice in commercials. A good example of this is one of the super-freaky, if lovable, PSP (not PCP) commercials featuring talking rats, squirrels, hairballs, etc. These animated figures are clearly under the influence of some kind of substances. I believe I heard one of the hairballs, which just so happened to be Mexican, going off about some Grand Theft Auto-type game in which he intended to blow up the world and make it his woman.

Yes. A talking freaking Mexican hairball on mysterious substances. Need I say more. Why don't they just say, Hey Mexicans! PSP! It's crack you can smoke OUTSIDE-! Which I thought you could always do with crack, acorns, cheese, etc. anyway, but what does my honky white bitch-ass know? Maybe it's fun to play video games in the street and get mowed down by a car.

Another badly exaggerated Mexican papi chulo voiceover was on a commercial for a bail bonds place I heard in San Antonio. Shiiit, man, I gots WARRANTS. Busted-! I practically expected it to say, "yo quiero Taco bell," but I guess he couldn't get any, since being a Mexican, he was obviously in JAIL.

Also, what kind of Mexican eats Taco Bell...?

2.) Orange balls. Clinique Happy. Cingular. Jell-O. What is with the orange balls?! Is this some sort of an inside joke? Did the same design house work on all these commercials? Or do I just need to get my eyes checked for floaters? Sheesh.

3.) Hyper-annoying females. Several of these specimens, which were seemingly chosen based on how much the casting directors hated them, are apparent in the following spots: 1) T-Mobile. 2) T-Mobile. 3) Radio Shack. These characters are, by profession, 1) a real estate agent. 2) a cheerleader. 3) Paris Hilton. Okay, 3) is not actually Paris Hilton, but it might as well be. I guess I should be thankful that they hired some half-assed actress and a Jeeves type instead of the actual Miss Crotch Rot U.S.A.

All three bitches are doing the last thing which they should ever be allowed to do, which is to talk. EVER. In their high, squeeky, giggly, cutesy-girly voices which make you want nothing so much as to scratch your own ears off and cram them down the garbage disposal with those Mexicans and some orange balls.

Even now, I feel the overwhelming need to slap the shit out of all three of these girly creeps. Which only goes to show you that being annoyed makes more of an impression than not. So we can expect this disturbing trend to continue, unless we all get TiVo. NOW.

What is this unholy trinity, and what does it mean...?

I don't know, but I am pretty sure it has something to do with the aliens.


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