No need to drop acid, just read these excuses for not coming to work (not that some of those things haven't happened to me - remember the time I couldn't get out my front door because there was a homeless person on my stoop? - so I'm pretty sure they aren't all lies).

I hate people most of the time, but gotta love them for just being so fucking stupid and bizarre.

What other species fabricates this sort of shit, wears the pelt of a deceased badger on its head and thinks it looks good, lies to its spouse and leaves her for a stripper named Cherry Pie (who has had two overfilled Baggies surgically implanted dangerously close to her vital organs) and procreates with her even though she cannot distinguish a baby from a crack pipe; stuffs itself on one-molecule-away-from-plastic crap even ants won't eat because they can tell it's bad for them, and then loses its mind, buys a Ferrari, and then decides it's Jesus...? And speaking of that invisible man who lives in the sky (and supposedly talks to some, but not all, of us - unless we have a pointy head, or are wearing a pointy hat), not to mention the only slightly more evolved ape in the White House who even at this very moment, between flinging turds of legislation, is formulating a plan in his prostate-sized alcohol-bloated pea-brain which will probably result in all of us either baking to death, freezing, or get us all blown to Kingdom Come by a bunch of professional suicide bombers (great job, good benes, if you aren't very good at it)...and tell me, what kind of "dumb" animal would knowingly do that shit...?

None, that's what kind.

OK, so maybe squirrels.