Thursday, February 23, 2006


With your host, Ma Pisser.

Some people's mothers wouldn't want to discuss this sort of thing. Not mine.

MA: I don't mean to get too personal, but what are you doing for birth control?
ME: Uh...that is too personal.
MA: Oh.

Mine is no shrinking violet about matters of the hea...er, pants. Sometimes I wish she was a bit more...private.

ME: Watching Margaret "Unnecessary Head" Cho performance, during which she is graphically describing some lesbian midget fisting a normal-sized woman, with accompanying hand motion.
MA: That is disgusting. [Which does not seem to keep her from coming in out of the kitchen, anyway, to watch.]
ME: Watching Margaret rant about how she can't find her G-spot, but if someone could show her to it, she would follow them in her car.
MA: I don't know what's wrong with that woman. Mine was always there.

What can I say? She came of age in the 60's. And she has opinions about your junk:

ME: Watching Seinfeld, where Elaine has to hire the snip-snip dude for a bris.
MA: He's called a mohel.
ME: I could never do that to my child.
MA: ?!! Have you ever seen an uncircumcised...have you seen one?
ME: uh...
ME: Still somewhat speechless I...figure God put it there for a reason.

And yet, even she has limits:

ME: What are you and Grandma doing?
MA: Going to the PX to buy panties.
ME: She needs panties?
MA: Yes, grandmas need panties too.
ME: Granny panties.
MA: ...?!
ME: Well, you know how you call my thong underwear...
MA: Slingshots.
ME: Yeah, pretty much anything other than that is granny panties.
MA: Well, it's better than having that thing up your butt.
ME: I know...just today I yanked 'em down too fast and I think I accidentally gave myself a free asswax.
MA: ...ew.

Yeah, right. Like now she's a nun or something.


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