1) Getting out of bed first thing in the morning and eating a Cadbury's Cream Egg on the toilet while felching the under-the-sink area for Tampax.

2) Being semi-flirtatious with an ex (as J.C. pointed out, The Past) on the phone while I was mad at Cranky (The Current) and mostly for the benefit of The Future (not happening - see: The Flinching), who was nearby pelting me with soiled napkins.

3) Also, kissing the nose of the dog who had just deeply crotchsniffed him. I am gross.

4) Calling my mom from a sex shoppe where I had gone to buy soap. What? I really did go there to buy soap; no one else carries it in the area. Okay, so I also picked up a chocolate penis on a stick for Cranky.

5) The fact that he actually ate it.

Well, he broke it into pieces so he wouldn't have to look at it.