Tuesday, May 02, 2006
TAX-FREE SPOOGE
Hey-! Look at what all I can score with this nifty health care card I signed up for by payroll deduction...and it's all tax-FREE!:
Eligible Health Care Expenses (See IRS Publication 502)
Alcoholism treatment
Artificial insemination
Artificial limb/teeth
Battery-powered toothbrush (if medically necessary and prescribed by physician)
Christian Science Practitioner fees
Contraceptives (birth control pills, condoms, spermicides)
Cosmetic surgery and procedures to correct congenital abnormality or treat injury resulting from accident
Crutches
Diapers (if required due to medical condition)
Dyslexia treatment
Fertility treatments (in vitro fertilization, surgery or operations to reverse a prior surgery that prevents you from having children)
Genetic testing
Guide dog or other animal used to assist persons with physical disabilities
Hearing aids and batteries ...not THAT kind of batteries...dang!
Inclinator I don't know what that is, BUT I LIKE IT-!
Lead-based paint removal
Legal fees (fees you pay that are necessary to authorize treatment for mental illness)
Lodging (see IRS Publication 502, - Lodging) "...for your love log"? -Judy Tenuta
Mastectomy-related special bras (the cost over & above the cost of a normal bra)
Mentally handicapped, special home for person adjusting from life in mental institution to community living
Nasal (Breathe-Right) strips
Norplant insertion and removal
Nursing home
Over-the-counter Drugs/Medicines, including anti-diarrhea, anti-fungal ointments and creams, gas relief medicines, hemorrhoid ointments and creams, laxatives, lice treatments, motion-sickness pills, pain relievers (including menstrual pain), yeast infection products
Ovulation monitor
Patterning exercises ?
Syringes
WoO! Think of all the fun I could have with my new PayFlex dealie. Too bad I only put $300 in there...maybe I can afford one sperm cell, and a turkey baster.
Conversely, the following expenses are not covered (dag!):
Baby-sitting, childcare or nursing services for a healthy baby
Breast pump
Chairs, recliner
Controlled substances (marijuana, laetrile, etc.)
Dancing lessons
Diaper service
Divorce expenses
Hair transplant
Lactation consultant for general instruction
Liposuction or other similar cosmetic treatments
Massage therapy (unless recommended as medically necessary)
Maternity clothes
Mattress
Paternity testing
Storage fees for embryo, sperm or umbilical cord blood, long term
Surrogate expenses
Tanning salons and equipment
Tattoo removal
Vacuum cleaner for allergies
Varicose veins, treatment of
You know, the only reason those are listed is because some redneck somewhere actually tried to get a La-Z-Boy and hair plugs on the semi-gov'mint dime. The good news is: he can get a vasectomy-! Bad news: he can also get a reversal.
Dag.
TAX-FREE SPOOGEEligible Health Care Expenses (See IRS Publication 502)
Alcoholism treatment
Artificial insemination
Artificial limb/teeth
Battery-powered toothbrush (if medically necessary and prescribed by physician)
Christian Science Practitioner fees
Contraceptives (birth control pills, condoms, spermicides)
Cosmetic surgery and procedures to correct congenital abnormality or treat injury resulting from accident
Crutches
Diapers (if required due to medical condition)
Dyslexia treatment
Fertility treatments (in vitro fertilization, surgery or operations to reverse a prior surgery that prevents you from having children)
Genetic testing
Guide dog or other animal used to assist persons with physical disabilities
Hearing aids and batteries ...not THAT kind of batteries...dang!
Inclinator I don't know what that is, BUT I LIKE IT-!
Lead-based paint removal
Legal fees (fees you pay that are necessary to authorize treatment for mental illness)
Lodging (see IRS Publication 502, - Lodging) "...for your love log"? -Judy Tenuta
Mastectomy-related special bras (the cost over & above the cost of a normal bra)
Mentally handicapped, special home for person adjusting from life in mental institution to community living
Nasal (Breathe-Right) strips
Norplant insertion and removal
Nursing home
Over-the-counter Drugs/Medicines, including anti-diarrhea, anti-fungal ointments and creams, gas relief medicines, hemorrhoid ointments and creams, laxatives, lice treatments, motion-sickness pills, pain relievers (including menstrual pain), yeast infection products
Ovulation monitor
Patterning exercises ?
Syringes
WoO! Think of all the fun I could have with my new PayFlex dealie. Too bad I only put $300 in there...maybe I can afford one sperm cell, and a turkey baster.
Conversely, the following expenses are not covered (dag!):
Baby-sitting, childcare or nursing services for a healthy baby
Breast pump
Chairs, recliner
Controlled substances (marijuana, laetrile, etc.)
Dancing lessons
Diaper service
Divorce expenses
Hair transplant
Lactation consultant for general instruction
Liposuction or other similar cosmetic treatments
Massage therapy (unless recommended as medically necessary)
Maternity clothes
Mattress
Paternity testing
Storage fees for embryo, sperm or umbilical cord blood, long term
Surrogate expenses
Tanning salons and equipment
Tattoo removal
Vacuum cleaner for allergies
Varicose veins, treatment of
You know, the only reason those are listed is because some redneck somewhere actually tried to get a La-Z-Boy and hair plugs on the semi-gov'mint dime. The good news is: he can get a vasectomy-! Bad news: he can also get a reversal.
Dag.
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