Thursday, May 04, 2006


Huh. If I didn't know better, I would say this woman had read my entry, re: movies that scarred me for life (but in a good way). However, this writer is much more concise, yet...thorough!

Maybe a little too thorough...I can almost feel my eyeballs bleeding all over again (cue: "It Feels Like the First Time" playing cheesily in background). Yow.

However, I would have to add the following cinematic masterpieces to her list of horrific nude scenes:

1) Also Basic Instinct, but I'm more concerned with Michael Douglass' flabby, saggy, leathery, nasty-assed...well, ass, flappin' in the wind. Sharon Stone I don't freakin' mind, though I've heard that she's a bitch on wheels.

2) Whatdoyoucallit. Skin Deep. The one with the glow-in-the-dark condoms + John Ritter. Why?! And now he's dead. This makes it somehow even worse.

(Apparently, 1989 was a good year for bad movies, as it was the same year they made THIS...!):

3) (Witness the horror that is) Road House, the bad Patrick Swayze (as James Dalton, the Wonder Bouncer) movie. It was no Dirty Dancing. Actually, I am one of the 3 people who didn't like Dirty Dancing, either, but anyway. Said nude scene featured some old guy w/ hot young blonde chick w/ bad tan lines ca. 1989 getting caught in a supply closet or something, him pumpin' away at her with his Michael Douglass-type leatherbutt & saying, "you could be my regular Saturday night thing" or similar. Yukkk.

4) I have forgotten 4), as I am still too horrified by 1) and 3).

5) Sideways: SPLAT. And that is all I have to say about that.

...except that I was there for part of the post, and the mixers kept making the caterer, who is Mormon, walk in on the full frontal, male scene. Real nice, guys. Actually, I could have done without ALL of the sex scenes in this movie, thankyouverymuch. Kind of like the rather unattractive people having sex on Six Feet Under, but that is a TV show, and neither here nor there (nor underwear). ("It's not television; it's HBO.") Hell.

I dig nude Kathy Bates, though...respekt to the real woman, funny mama. Plus you get the impression that she just don't give a damn. I like that in a gal...in fact, the fact that all my eyeball poppage has involved men's asses leads me to the conclusion that I am, perhaps, a closeted lesbian.



So, you-! What's detatched your retinas...?


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