1) No, I do not care that my password is going to expire in 14 days, and no, I do not want to change it now. Why would I want to change it now?! It doesn't have to be changed for two weeks, and I am running out of barnyard animals.

2) I do not get my mother sometimes. She refuses to e-mail, scan, or fax anything other than for business purposes. So, thinking that she has sent me some old pictures of my dearly departed husband, I rip open her card only to find:

a) A color printout of a picture of a kitten which slightly resembles, but is, in fact, NOT her actual kitten, and

b) A bad Xerox of a copy of a newspaper clipping of a wedding announcement for a girl who has inexplicably hated me since the fourth grade, and therefore did not invite me to her wedding.

She means well, she really does. At least this mailing was mercifully bereft of Cathy cartoons, because even that fat, shoe-shopping bitch has managed to haul off and get her ass married. And me, a widow.

Ack.