Thursday, July 27, 2006


So many burning questions...so few answers.

Or, it could just be a bladder infection...

BIMBO Bread Company:
Does it mean something other than THIS in Spanish? Like, is it pronounced BEEM-bo, or what...?

Okay, so it actually means "baby" in Italian. Which somehow doesn't make me feel any better at all.

Land O' Lakes Sweetened, Sugar-free, Whipped Heavy Cream:
...I don't get it. If it is sweetened, doesn't it have sugar in it? If it's one of those artificial sweeteners MADE from sugar, isn't it still sugar?! Okay, if I were diabetic, I would just be dead, because this is just too damned confusing to me.

Contadina Sweet and Sour Sauce:
WTF. Is it Italian? Or Chinese?! The hell...?

Shedd's Spread Country Crock Plus Calcium & Vitamins (Soft):
First of all, I like my spread HARD.

Uhh, and secondly, why do they bother putting vitamins and calcium in an artificial, partially hydrogenated, fatty defatted fatty, fatty two-by-four product?! Is the calcium supposed to mask the slow and certain death?!
Country Crock...what a crock.

Apple Jacks:
Okay, someone at Kellogg's is smokin' the Froot Loops, because their new mascot, CINNA-MON™, is a talking fucking STICK. As if that wasn't bad enough? It's a talking fucking, Jar-Jar-Binks-is-getting-royalties RASTA stick.

And their new cereal looks like nothing so much as cow flop and/or dog business:

Kellogg's Mini-Swirlz®:
Especially the Fudge Ripple. This was a mistake.

Something tells me this will not sell well, not at all.
Can you kiddies say "discontinued"...?


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