I have to take a break from my own professional failures to make fun of someone else's. WhoopittyfuckingdoO-!

1) Janet Jackson is showing her ta-tas again...this time really on purpose. I thought that was La Toya's job. How lame of her to steal her lesser-known sister's impl...I mean, thunder.

2) Some slug in sweatpants knocked up Anna Nicole Smith. Although I did prefer Fat Anna (skinny Anna just looks like your run-of-the-mill nail polish remover-huffing, peroxide-mainlining Vegas reject), I have to question the integrity of any male willing to play Russian roulette with his offspring's brain cells.

Furthermore, why do people waste their time, energy, and advertising budgets on getting skinny, supposedly off an African cactus (Hoodia gordonii), while secretly having gastric bypass in Mexico, only to get knocked up a year or so later...?

...

I hope her implants and her LAP-BAND® essplode.