Monday, August 14, 2006
MORNING SUNSHINE
Good morning...
...Beaker.
So my well-meaning friend who does animal rescue sent me this (scroll down to the Persian). The minute she sent me the link, I knew whose it was.
A couple of years ago, this idiot I used to call my friend decided she just had to have this cat. The cat was one of 50 Universal "ordered" and used to make Stuart Little. They flew all these damn chinchilla Persians over from the UK with the papers and everything and then adopted out the ones they rejected for the film to the white trash theme park workers. Of course, Twitty the Wonder Twat couldn't have a normal cat from a shelter, noooo. She wanted one in show business (herself being a failed actress) which originally cost umpteen hundred dollars and was a silver-point (whatever) "chinchilla" Persian (herself being Persian). I blame her Armenian bullshit sense of materialism, snob appeal and so forth. (Everything in her parents' house had that gilded Rococo look....frankly I'm surprised she didn't gild the cat.)
This douchebag works/worked for Universal, and I give not a shit if she finds this. She is a worthless cunt and waste of human life. And she has, of course, decided it was necessary to reproduce herself. You know, because she was really SO wonderful, there should be more of her. Bitch was so neurotic, she couldn't even poop half the time, except for when she got upset, which was often. Then she couldn't stop going. Sexy.
You can tell this is a charming individual. The only thing that really surprises me is that she was able to carry a child to term, because bitch would sooner throw herself down a flight of stairs than consume anything with a fat content.
I feel really sorry for their offspring as it is probably so traumatized by its mother's neuroses, it won't be potty trained until age 10, and will probably wet the bed until it's 30.
Well, at the time, I mistakenly thought her idiosyncrasies were lovable. But, at the time, I also found it acceptable for a drunk/stoned model boy to knock on my door at 4 a.m. and attempt to fuck me up the ass with no condom (sorry, family), but you get the idea of my piss-poor mental state at the time.
Aherm.
At this time, Beaker and I would like to issue the following PSA, just in case we are not being clear on our pro-adoption, anti-breeder, anti-baby/-booting-pet-because-of-evil-spawn-usurper stance.
IF YOU EVER, EVER, FOR ANY REASON, INCLUDING YOUR UNBORN OFFSPRING'S ALLERGIES, WHICH ARE PROBABLY ONLY FABRICATED BY YOU, BECAUSE YOU ARE A NEUROTIC, BRAINLESS TWUNT, WOULD CONSIDER GIVING AN ANIMAL UP, AWAY, OR PUTTING IT TO SLEEP FOR ANY REASON OTHER THAN ENDING ITS PAIN AND SUFFERING (other than that caused by you), THEN DON'T GET IT. You will be doing both yourself and the animal and society at large a HUGE favor.
To paraphrase Birdy's ad, NO EXCEPTIONS.
If your overweening ego still can't resist the urge to "practice" mothering on something, then take an animal on a foster basis (but actively try to get it adopted, take it to adoption fairs every weekend, etc. Although any agency worth its salt will probably not even let your flakey ass have the animal for any amount of time. They can see right through your bullshit I-have-so-much-love-to-give, I-can-hardly-stand-myself act, and know you will drop the poor fuzz muffin like a hot rock the minute you find some unsuspecting dumbass to poach your half-witted rotten eggs).
AN ANIMAL IS NOT 'PRACTICE' FOR A HUMAN BABY, only to be discarded the minute your retarded yolk looks at it cross-eyed and says "ba" to it.
And by the way, don't give us that crap about how "heartbroken" you are or how "picky" you'll be about who you give it to, you maggot-infested excrement. If you really cared about them at all, you wouldn't be putting them in this abysmal situation. It's not anyone else's fault but YOURS so stop pretending to be sad.
No one will want a 9 year-old animal that is so inbred, it poops on its own head. If that still isn't clear, then read this (thanks to Avatar for the link).
Beaker, for one, would like to don a gerbil body condom and crawl up her hummus-smelling cootch, rip out her uterus, and yank it out her a**hole (along with her stupid head), then package and send it to Ken L. Ration to be made into crabby snax for pound puppies and kittens everywhere...feed the woooorrrld...let them know it's Christmastime...!
I am now going to write an irate letter to the bastards at Universal to thank them for contributing to the unwanted animal population. Nice screening process, assholes.
MORNING SUNSHINE
...Beaker.
So my well-meaning friend who does animal rescue sent me this (scroll down to the Persian). The minute she sent me the link, I knew whose it was.
A couple of years ago, this idiot I used to call my friend decided she just had to have this cat. The cat was one of 50 Universal "ordered" and used to make Stuart Little. They flew all these damn chinchilla Persians over from the UK with the papers and everything and then adopted out the ones they rejected for the film to the white trash theme park workers. Of course, Twitty the Wonder Twat couldn't have a normal cat from a shelter, noooo. She wanted one in show business (herself being a failed actress) which originally cost umpteen hundred dollars and was a silver-point (whatever) "chinchilla" Persian (herself being Persian). I blame her Armenian bullshit sense of materialism, snob appeal and so forth. (Everything in her parents' house had that gilded Rococo look....frankly I'm surprised she didn't gild the cat.)
This douchebag works/worked for Universal, and I give not a shit if she finds this. She is a worthless cunt and waste of human life. And she has, of course, decided it was necessary to reproduce herself. You know, because she was really SO wonderful, there should be more of her. Bitch was so neurotic, she couldn't even poop half the time, except for when she got upset, which was often. Then she couldn't stop going. Sexy.
You can tell this is a charming individual. The only thing that really surprises me is that she was able to carry a child to term, because bitch would sooner throw herself down a flight of stairs than consume anything with a fat content.
I feel really sorry for their offspring as it is probably so traumatized by its mother's neuroses, it won't be potty trained until age 10, and will probably wet the bed until it's 30.
Well, at the time, I mistakenly thought her idiosyncrasies were lovable. But, at the time, I also found it acceptable for a drunk/stoned model boy to knock on my door at 4 a.m. and attempt to fuck me up the ass with no condom (sorry, family), but you get the idea of my piss-poor mental state at the time.
Aherm.
At this time, Beaker and I would like to issue the following PSA, just in case we are not being clear on our pro-adoption, anti-breeder, anti-baby/-booting-pet-because-of-evil-spawn-usurper stance.
IF YOU EVER, EVER, FOR ANY REASON, INCLUDING YOUR UNBORN OFFSPRING'S ALLERGIES, WHICH ARE PROBABLY ONLY FABRICATED BY YOU, BECAUSE YOU ARE A NEUROTIC, BRAINLESS TWUNT, WOULD CONSIDER GIVING AN ANIMAL UP, AWAY, OR PUTTING IT TO SLEEP FOR ANY REASON OTHER THAN ENDING ITS PAIN AND SUFFERING (other than that caused by you), THEN DON'T GET IT. You will be doing both yourself and the animal and society at large a HUGE favor.
To paraphrase Birdy's ad, NO EXCEPTIONS.
If your overweening ego still can't resist the urge to "practice" mothering on something, then take an animal on a foster basis (but actively try to get it adopted, take it to adoption fairs every weekend, etc. Although any agency worth its salt will probably not even let your flakey ass have the animal for any amount of time. They can see right through your bullshit I-have-so-much-love-to-give, I-can-hardly-stand-myself act, and know you will drop the poor fuzz muffin like a hot rock the minute you find some unsuspecting dumbass to poach your half-witted rotten eggs).
AN ANIMAL IS NOT 'PRACTICE' FOR A HUMAN BABY, only to be discarded the minute your retarded yolk looks at it cross-eyed and says "ba" to it.
And by the way, don't give us that crap about how "heartbroken" you are or how "picky" you'll be about who you give it to, you maggot-infested excrement. If you really cared about them at all, you wouldn't be putting them in this abysmal situation. It's not anyone else's fault but YOURS so stop pretending to be sad.
No one will want a 9 year-old animal that is so inbred, it poops on its own head. If that still isn't clear, then read this (thanks to Avatar for the link).
Beaker, for one, would like to don a gerbil body condom and crawl up her hummus-smelling cootch, rip out her uterus, and yank it out her a**hole (along with her stupid head), then package and send it to Ken L. Ration to be made into crabby snax for pound puppies and kittens everywhere...feed the woooorrrld...let them know it's Christmastime...!
I am now going to write an irate letter to the bastards at Universal to thank them for contributing to the unwanted animal population. Nice screening process, assholes.
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