Thursday, September 21, 2006
DEVIL WITH A CORN DOG, CORN DOG, CORN DOG, DEVIL WITH A CORNDOG ON-!
(I have found that muttering "corn dog" to yourself repeatedly has mood-elevating effects similar to this.)
Food again...
1) The Devil. And here is the devil, fried. Genius. I mean, BAD CORN DOG! BAD!!!
2) I got three, count 'em, three, wedding invitations in the mail. Corn dog, corn dog, corn dog!!!
3) BAD BABY SPINACH. BAD!!! They found the culprit. By the way, this ain't stoppin' me from eating bagged greens, folks. I don't care if I get a little E. coli-induced case of mild death. I'm too lazy to re-wash my pre-washed, bagged spinach, aren't you? MAJORITY RULES! Singing, Baby, baby. Where did our salad go...? Don't you feed me, don't you feed me no more?...Taaainted spinaaach, whoooooa...touch me, baby, tainted greens.
4) "You will not find a finer Corn Dog on the market!" That is the Hinsdale Farms Quality Pledge...well, alrighty, then...I did not know that a hot dog had integrity, but I would like to put that in my wedding vows! (Do you, Pisser, promise to maintain the integrity of the hot dog? I do. And do you, Man Who Does Not Exist, realize that there is no finer corn dog on the market...? He'd better.)
I also did not know the finer things in life included corn dogs. Also, for the truly lazy, aspiring obese person on the go: sausage, wrapped in a pancake, on a stick. I am at a loss for words, this is so beautiful. (Del Taco also has this, but that's a whole 'nother thing of beauty deserving of its very own post.)
5) Look at this little happy fat bastid. Look at 'im! Remember that face, because you will see him again when you die after a failed triple bypass. Death, Thy Name is Corndog Boy.
6) I did not know there was a "corn dog industry." And even a mockumentary about the exploitation of girls in white slavery a la Thoroughly Modern Millie, except with corn dogs. And there's even a National Corn Dog Day! The Corndog Festival! A corn dog Paris Hilton (DO NOT EAT)! And in school cafeterias these days, kids can get Uncrustables and corn dogs, because, I think? Smuckers and the corporate giants of the Corn Dog Industry have up and bought our schools. YAY! I want to go to this skool, and am particularly interested in the "Frnehc Fries". But should you really have "Fun on the Run" with a hot dog? Isn't that a choking hazard...?
7) I once heard some comedian opine that they should put a sterilization agent into corn dogs, because the people who tend to eat corn dogs deserve to be sterilized. I am perfectly okay with this, as women who push baby carriages in the street, in front of my car, and probably also consume corn dogs, should not be allowed to reproduce, either. So he has my vote.
Well, white trash + white slavery = good old fashioned fun, but I don't think "corn dog" is gonna do it for me at this point...I think I need liquor. But I'll save that for later, corndog it.
CORN FUCKIN' DOG, man.
DEVIL WITH A CORN DOG, CORN DOG, CORN DOG, DEVIL WITH A CORNDOG ON-!Food again...
1) The Devil. And here is the devil, fried. Genius. I mean, BAD CORN DOG! BAD!!!
2) I got three, count 'em, three, wedding invitations in the mail. Corn dog, corn dog, corn dog!!!
3) BAD BABY SPINACH. BAD!!! They found the culprit. By the way, this ain't stoppin' me from eating bagged greens, folks. I don't care if I get a little E. coli-induced case of mild death. I'm too lazy to re-wash my pre-washed, bagged spinach, aren't you? MAJORITY RULES! Singing, Baby, baby. Where did our salad go...? Don't you feed me, don't you feed me no more?...Taaainted spinaaach, whoooooa...touch me, baby, tainted greens.
4) "You will not find a finer Corn Dog on the market!" That is the Hinsdale Farms Quality Pledge...well, alrighty, then...I did not know that a hot dog had integrity, but I would like to put that in my wedding vows! (Do you, Pisser, promise to maintain the integrity of the hot dog? I do. And do you, Man Who Does Not Exist, realize that there is no finer corn dog on the market...? He'd better.)
I also did not know the finer things in life included corn dogs. Also, for the truly lazy, aspiring obese person on the go: sausage, wrapped in a pancake, on a stick. I am at a loss for words, this is so beautiful. (Del Taco also has this, but that's a whole 'nother thing of beauty deserving of its very own post.)
5) Look at this little happy fat bastid. Look at 'im! Remember that face, because you will see him again when you die after a failed triple bypass. Death, Thy Name is Corndog Boy.
6) I did not know there was a "corn dog industry." And even a mockumentary about the exploitation of girls in white slavery a la Thoroughly Modern Millie, except with corn dogs. And there's even a National Corn Dog Day! The Corndog Festival! A corn dog Paris Hilton (DO NOT EAT)! And in school cafeterias these days, kids can get Uncrustables and corn dogs, because, I think? Smuckers and the corporate giants of the Corn Dog Industry have up and bought our schools. YAY! I want to go to this skool, and am particularly interested in the "Frnehc Fries". But should you really have "Fun on the Run" with a hot dog? Isn't that a choking hazard...?
7) I once heard some comedian opine that they should put a sterilization agent into corn dogs, because the people who tend to eat corn dogs deserve to be sterilized. I am perfectly okay with this, as women who push baby carriages in the street, in front of my car, and probably also consume corn dogs, should not be allowed to reproduce, either. So he has my vote.
Well, white trash + white slavery = good old fashioned fun, but I don't think "corn dog" is gonna do it for me at this point...I think I need liquor. But I'll save that for later, corndog it.
CORN FUCKIN' DOG, man.
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