Drug use among baby boomers, a.k.a. hippies, is increasing at a higher rate than that of these goddamn lazy non-pot-smoking whippersnappers of today.*

"Marijuana was by far their drug of choice."

Is it just me, or is this like saying, "Paris Hilton is a disease-infested, spoilt rich cooze who, if there were, in fact, a vengeful G_d, would have no right to exist on this Earth, but, as the end times are at hand, you stupid people have gone and made her your idol."

"She has devoted her entire adult life to appearing to be the princess of parties." -Paris's pube-lickist

Oh excuuuuuuuse moi...far be it for me to impede the smelly cunt from achieving such a lofty goal. Would someone please just give that tired jizz-hole the Nobel Piece Prize for Ass and so the rest of us can finally hear some real news, Katie Couric?!

This is not news; this is a flaming bag of poo.

*KIDS: GET WITH THE PROGRAM! GET ON THE STICK! STOP POSTING INANE 'OMG! ROTFL!' COMMENTS ON MYSPACE AND 'HOOKING UP' FOR ANAL (YOU FAUX VIRGINS, WHAT IS THAT SHIT?! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA DO, GET DR. HEINIE MENGELE TO SEW YOUR RUPTURED BOWELS BACK TOGETHER WHEN YOU GET MARRIED SHACK UP WITH SOMEONE AND HAVE THEIR CHILD OUT OF WEDLOCK IN A PSEUDO-MONOGAMOUS BISEXUAL RELATIONSHIP SOMEDAY?!) AND START DOING DRUGS LIKE DECENT, SELF-RESPECTING RED-BLOODED AMERICAN KIDS, YOU COMMIE PINKO PSEUDO-VIRGIN PROLAPSED RECTUM MAGGOTS-!...which reminds me, it is my sister's birthday.

Thank you, and God bless us, America, every one of our red, white, black & blue magic buttholes. THESE COLORS DON'T RUN-!