Note to wedding and gift-registry havers: do not go to the Bloodbath & Beyond closest to West Hollywood, or gay men will try to steal your customer service rep. even though you were there first, even while she is behind the counter, trying to make your little poofy wedding gifty bow foo foo shit.

Look, you old queens (with your trophy cabana bottom boys), I don't care how adorably flamey you are, or that you "parked in the red" - and whose fault is that? - you can still not* gank my girl, Pfuk, or whatever her name is, with the penciled-in eyebrows with the too-high arches.

She is MY checker-outer person.

MINE.

Also, Jeffy is only using you for your money, so you pay his rent and buy him over-the-toilet shelf unit thingies and butter pecan lollipops at the checkout, if he is a good little butt...I mean, boy.

*unless you pay my rent, too
**and get me a wowwipop.