So, since my stupid bad-luck birthday, I have f---ed up the following:

-Got snootied at & rejected for seating at my favorite restaurant on my !@@#$in' birthday due to not having a reservation (Cranky!) where we have never needed one before, I suspect because of looking like a wooly mammoth

-Let Beeker get high on birthday balloon helium & break my birthday prezzents

-Let my driver's license expire - stupid birthday's fault, not mine

-Then managed to LOSE my expired driver's license

-Booked a flight which conflicts with the only relevant class I've enrolled in, which work is paying for

-Realized I am going nowhere anyway without my license (do airlines accept birth certificates as proper ID? How 'bout a urine sample?)

-Went, b-b-b-b-b

-Used some profanity

-Am driving around all cockeyed without a license AND a current eyeglass prescription AND brakes that are going out AND no roof

-Will probably tootle home in my car with no roof and get rained on and then pulled over for looking like a wet wooly illegal and skidding into a cop car because my breaks went out, and then asked for my expired driver's license and explaining that it is lost, then having the LAPD run my license number and finding that I'm not wearing my glasses (which I also lost) IF I can even get on the plane with no license and/or am not arrested for looking like an ancient, hairy elephant and a blind terrorist, in the first place.

Might as well just cuff me now, Officer.