Wrigley's Kona Creme - they are apparently test-marketing this coffee-flavored gum. I have no idea why I decided that chewing gum which already tastes like coffee would help my coffee breath other than maybe if I couldn't get coffee, this would work. But it tastes like hazelnuts and ass.

These Skilcraft One Step Pre-Moistened Sanitary Phone Wipes - are lovely, but do nothing against the gross security guards who abuse my desk in the night by boogerfying everything, leaving used gum on the floor, talking into my handset with their ashtray dragon-breath (and it seeps in from under the door, and I happen to be The Person Who Hates Cigarettes Second Most in the World), and/or wiping their nose on my printer, for some reason (like chimps who cannot figure out how to use something.) Am thinking of quitting my job just for that. I am not a germophobe but this is too much even for the likes of me.

That should be an interesting resignation letter.

Oh yeah. And these wipes say "Created with pride by Americans who are blind," but does not EXPLAIN HOW-! Damn.

Now this, I need.
1) On my desk,
2) NOW.

Maybe it would help sanitize the boogers.