Wednesday, December 13, 2006


I am nearly drowning in my own irritability of late. Not sure what to do about this. Drinking less coffee left me functionally retarded, and our co-pay for prescription meds just went up.


I've been taking an animation class, which I thought was great, because there are only two students (counting me). But it might as well be an entire room full, because between me running out of the room every 5 seconds to defrost from the subarctic temperature, the instuctor's family problems/creeping crud, and the fact that English is not the other student's first language, it is about as much fun as mange.

First of all, even though she's an ESL student, the other girl still has the nerve to be smarter than me. Also, she blatantly interrupts and talks over me and hogs the instructor, who has managed to contract, over the course of a mere four sessions, every single one of her kids' communicable diseases, and there are five of them.

Kids, not diseases. But at that age, same difference.

Plus, one or the other of her five maggots calls every five minutes either to inform her that the baby fell off of something, and/or to guilt trip her about being a terrible mother, even though I'm sure they are calling her on the phone which she paid for, while eating the food which she paid for, in the house, which she also paid for.

I can't hate on her too much because a) hey, free birth control, b) she is patient as my ass is wide, and c) I have almost as many cats as she has kids, and my previous instructor graciously pretended not to mind that my cell phone went off (on vibrate) every 5 mins. for similar reasons, when Zippy was in the hospital. So, karma, baby.

But...she has some narsty snot-nosed brat-cooties and persists in grabbing my mouse, leading me to long for strip decontamination just to de-cootify myself, and her breath reeks like it does when you have a really bad sinus infection. Christ, woman. Take some antibiotics...but she probably can't do that, either, because she's too busy secreting breast milk onto my mousepad.

Sorry, gross. And mean...I'm just jealous I can't grow four superfluous nipples and rear a litter of my own. (Me --> ---> hell ---> ----> handbasket? = YES.)

Meanwhile, the other student is a skinny bitch with a tiny head and big tits, despite the fact that she keeps demanding breaks to go out and buy donuts. Then she decides it is a good idea to eat an apple in class since she already burned the break on her sugar binge. She does this while I quietly seethe with murderous thoughts, because if there's one thing I cannot STAND, it's eating noises (thank you, Carl's, Jr.) For crissake, if you HAVE to eat anything in a non-eating type situation, for fuck's sake, at LEAST make sure it's not crunchy food. Although, even the disgusting smacking, sticky, wet noises of an ex-lab partner eating an orange EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT we had class FOR A YEAR were enough to send me over the edge...but no. Bitch has to eat an apple. AN APPLE! What could be crunchier than an apple - carpet tacks?!

I think, somewhere in the back of her disproportionately tiny head, she knows her audible mastication is intensely irritating, so you know what she does?

SHE EATS SLOWER. Which does not make it less annoying, you overly-endowed Einstein. BECAUSE NOW IT TAKES TWICE AS LONG TO FINISH the goddamned apple.

Maybe tonight, I'll wear a respirator mask, rubber gloves, and a sneeze guard and offer the other girl some nice, chocolate covered NAILS.

Merry, Merry Christmas.


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